Page 20 of Pregame

The food is delicious, and we talk while we eat.I ask Roman more about his company, and in the process, I find out that he’s the oldest of three kids, has two younger sisters who live in Boston, where he’s originally from, and loves to travel.But for all that he tells me, there’s more that he doesn’t, and I can sense a darkness, maybe even a sadness, about him.

“Tell me something about you,” he says.

I concentrate on the last strawberry on my plate.“Like what?”

“What else makes you feel as deeply as you did when we flew over the rim into the canyon?”

I look into his gray-blue eyes which see far too much.I think hard, trying to conjure up something—anything—that has broken through the walls I’ve built around my heart.Has it really been so long since I’ve allowed myself to feel anything?

Noticing my hesitation, he says, “Okay, if that’s too hard, tell me your favorite book, or your favorite song,”

I tilt my head, considering.“When I was younger, I lovedThe Chronicles of Narnia.I loved the idea of being able to climb into a wardrobe and disappear into a completely different world.But I don’t have a favorite song, or maybe I just have too many.”

Music was the only thing that had gotten me through that dark, endless gray time after my father’s death, and I think I lived with earbuds in my ears for at least a year, the ever-changing playlist of songs my constant and often only companion.I still listen to a wide variety of music, because it’s the only time I don’t feel alone.There’s always a song to match my mood and assure me that someone else somewhere has felt the same way and has survived.

“What are you thinking?”Roman prompts.“You looked sad.”

I give a little shake of my head.“Nothing.How could I be sad here?This is beautiful.”

“Look at the sky,” he says abruptly, pulling me down so that my head is pillowed on his lap.His thighs are rock hard, and the nearness of him is making me lightheaded.“It’s so infinite.Nothing like the grandeur of nature to remind us of our insignificance in the whole scheme of things.”

“I’ve never seen anything more stunning,” I say honestly.He may be bossy as hell and completely intimidating, but I have to give him props for trying to ease my trepidation about the whole situation.“Thank you for bringing me here.”

Content for the moment, I lie there with my head in his lap as he strokes my hair until the helicopter returns, and we begin our ascent out of the canyon and back to reality.

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