Page 41 of Somewhere in Seattle

I was suddenly aware that my life situation in Seattle was the result of JD's charity. I smiled and said something vague and lighthearted to finish the conversation with Isaac, but my thoughts and realizations during the next little while were painful to experience.

I realized so many things.

The one that took me a few minutes to figure out was that Ruth was JD's assistant.

I was humiliated.

He had let me talk to him about how proud I was to be making it on my own in Seattle.

He must've thought I was naïve and helpless.

I figured he must've pitied me.

I was so embarrassed that it resulted in a feeling of stubborn anger. I was mad at JD for lying to me and putting me in this position where I had looked like such an idiot in front of his family.

By the middle of lunch service, I already had plans to pack up and move back to Oklahoma where I could actually afford the rent. All of this was happening in my brain while I was trying my best to smile and go along with my work at the restaurant.

"Why isn't your smile in your eyes today, Jordan?" It was Cal who asked me the odd question. I was working the counter with Isaac today, and Cal had been staring at me funny since he arrived.

"Whatcha mean, Cal?" I asked, pretending nothing was wrong.

"Your smile is usually in your mouth and your eyes, and today it's just in your mouth."

"Aww, you're so thoughtful for asking, Cal. Thanks. I'm probably just tired." I smiled at him again, making the effort to squint my eyes.

"What's the matter with you, though?" Cal said, not budging.

"Nothing's the matter," I said. "If anything, I’m just tired. It's Monday, you know."

I felt bad for lying to Cal, but I wasn't about to explain the truth to him.

"Uh-huh, but you never had your mood bad on another Monday."

I leaned over the counter, getting closer to him. I knew there was no tricking Cal. "It's not because it's Monday," I admitted. "I got embarrassed about something that happened to me earlier, that's all. I'm trying to forget about it, so I'm not going to talk to you about it or tell you what it was."

"Did you forget to zip up your pants?"

"No, it wasn't that, but it was similar," I said, even though it wasn't.

"Did you forget to put on deodorant?"

"No, but something similar," I said, walking off and pretending to be busy while smiling as genuinely as I could.

I went into the kitchen to take a breather after my conversation with Cal. My day was a whirlwind of self-doubt and embarrassment, and I was thankful I got off at three instead of having to work a double. My mind had been working all afternoon, and I was about to leave when I ran into Jim in the kitchen.

"Hey, are you off for the day?" he asked. I nodded, smiling at him.

"I'll be back in the morning, though," I lied.

"I didn't get to talk to you much today," he said.

"I know. We were so busy."

"My son said he took you fishing."

"Yes, he did. It was fun. Hey, do you happen to know if JD's secretary's name is Ruth? He mentioned it before and I forgot."

"Miss Ruthie. She's a sweetheart. Did you meet her?"

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