Page 35 of About to Fall

"Did you like me before this?" I asked, feeling nervous. I watched his profile as he stared straight ahead—at my uncle's truck.

He smiled and wiped his face with his hand as if he was attempting to clear the expression.

"Do you think it's funny that I would ask?"

"Not really. But I think it's funny that you don't already know."

I rested my face against his shoulder, holding onto his arm. There was only a thin piece of fabric separating our skin, and I could feel the warmth of his arm. He had muscles, and I used my fingertips to run up his forearm. Micah turned and stepped in front of me. I was leaning against the car and I stared at him, hoping and praying that he would touch me. I would do anything to have him kiss me.

"Claire, I do not know what's going on here, but I'm just warning you, I'm not going to do anything to stop it."

"I don't want you to stop it, Micah."

His blue eyes were locked on mine and he brought his hand up to my cheek. It was with great tenderness and gentleness that he touched the side of my face. He stared at me like I was something precious. I had never been on the other side of a stare like this one. His eyes roamed over my face, and I watched him, feeling overwhelmed by his expression. His eyes glossed over, and I could tell that he was on the verge of tears. I knew he had to leave soon and I expected him to kiss me—I wanted that. I was aching to be pressed against him, and the gentle contact on my cheek was glorious and torturous at the same time.

"I do not deserve you," he said, still looking at me. "I'm as broken as they come, Claire. I need you to remember those days in Rita's room. I need you to know that I'm still that same guy. Just because I have a few fans and a fancy suit doesn't mean I—"

"I was afraid you would think this was about your success," I said. "Please don’t think that."

"What's it about?" he asked.

"I don't know, Micah. I don’t know what shifted. I have no clue what caused it. But I look at you now… and I see all sorts of… I see the man I… " I trailed off, and let my forehead fall against his chest. I was at a loss for words. He touched the back of my head, holding me close. "I'm sorry, Micah. I don't know what to say right now or how to say it. I don't know what gave me these feelings, honestly. I've always known that you're a wonderful person, but I guess I just never thought the two of us—I don’t know what I thought. I don’t know what to say right now. My feelings are all over the place."

My head was still resting on his chest and his hand caressed the back of it.

"Just tell me what you're feeling," he said.

"I'm feeling overwhelmed with gratitude that you're standing out here with me—holding me, touching me, talking to me like you love me. I'm broken, too, Micah. I'm broken for not seeing any of this before. I feel terrible that I wasted time, and I'm also feeling like I'm aching for your touch right now—like my body might not be able to function properly once you let me go. I need you in a different way than I needed you before—and maybe in a different way than you need me. I don't know how you love me. I know you love me, but I don't know in what way. I look at you and I see my… I also feel really sad right now. I hate that you're leaving. I feel like three weeks is forever, and I'm already desperate to see you again."

"What do you see when you look at me?" he asked. I heard the sound of his deep voice in his chest, and I ached, yearning to get physically closer to him. I wrapped my arms around him, holding onto him.

"You said you saw something when you looked at me and you never finished," he said.

"I, I don't know what I was going to say. I see myself and my life when I look at you. I see a future, maybe. I have hope that we'll… I just really regret not holding your hand sooner."

Chapter 13

Micah Lacey

Claire was shivering.

It was late May, and it was not cold outside yet Claire was shaking as she stood there and spoke to him. She was nervous and jittery and fumbling over her words, and Micah had never seen something so beautiful in his whole life. She rested her back against the car, and he stood facing her.

"Is it possible that you love me, Claire?"

"Yes, it's possible. I've always loved you."

He pulled back a little. "That's what I'm afraid of," he said. "Do you feel right now like you've always felt?"

She didn't say anything but she shook her head.

"No?" he asked.

"No," she said. "It's different. I don't know what happened to me." She spoke softly and slowly, looking sincere, regretful. "Do you want to… do you… do you want to do things like… hug me and touch me? Do you find yourself wanting to stand next to me and start something with me when I'm in the room?"

Micah let out a little laugh because fighting that urge was all he had been doing for the past eight years.

"Yes, Claire, I want those things."

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