Page 84 of So This Is Christmas

She thought back to the night she’d weaponized her shoe. As she’d told Matteo, the incident had given her an injection of self-confidence. If she could save herself then, she’d reasoned, she could keep doing it. That confidence was what had made her so ambitious, had led to the scholarships, the army, the job, the house. It had been like a low-humming motor always on in the background.

And now she had realized the ultimate achievement—partnership at CZT.

So why did she feel so underwhelmed?

She must have been lost in her thoughts for too long. He shifted as if making to stand—which was entirely reasonable as he had proposed the bath as an indulgent, solo activity. That’s what baths were. But she still didn’t want him to leave. His hands were on the edge of the tub—he was using it to lever himself up—and before she could overthink it, she rested her hand on his forearm. “Stay with me awhile?”

He looked startled, then pleased. “It would be my pleasure.”

Chapter Fourteen

Four days until Christmas

The next morning, walking up the hill to meet Matteo at the appointed time for her sleigh ride—her sleigh ride!—Cara was feeling less vulnerable. And smarter about what had happened last night. She’d been literally naked in a tub and she’d told Matteo some stuff she’d never told anyone. Of course she’d been feeling weird. She’d exposed herself in every way. And while that was not typical for her, she was chalking it up to the shock of the news of making partner and to the stress of the whole Brad-Noar-Morneau situation.

She’d spent the morning finalizing her report to the Morneau board, so she was feeling more confident. She was also dressed.

Though she hoped to be undressed later.

Which was a bit confusing.

“Cara!”

There he was, emerging from the ground floor of the stablebuilding, all pink-cheeked and bundled up, looking like an advertisement for Eldovia. “Good morning,” he said when they met at the bottom of the steps. “The horses should be along shortly.” He looked over her shoulder as he spoke. “Ah, yes, right on time.”

She turned around, and sure enough, there was a woman leading a pair of horses. They were red-tinged dark-brown with even darker brown manes, and honestly, she was a little scared of them. She’d never seen a horse up close, and these seemed bigger than she would have imagined.

“Cara, meet Hilda, one of the palace grooms.” She nodded at the young woman. “And may I also present Muskatnuss and Zimt—that’s Nutmeg and Cinnamon—a fine pair of Hanoverians.”

“Nice to meet you,” she said feebly, belatedly realizing that she probably wasn’t meant to actually speak to the horses.

Hilda gave over the horses’ leads to Matteo and what followed was yet another display of his easy competence. He hooked up the horses to the sleigh and led her to a mounting station of sorts.

The sleigh was really something. It had metal blades that curled up at the ends, just like her mental image of a sleigh. The body of it was red, and the side was painted with what she’d come to recognize as the royal coat of arms. There was a bench up front, which Matteo helped her onto before climbing in next to her. Behind them was an open area, lined with benches around the perimeter. It was from there that Matteo retrieved a heavy wool blanket, which he settled over her lap. “Ready?”

“Ready.” She was grinning like an idiot. She could feel it. But she couldn’t seem to stop. Matteo made some kind of giddy-up noise and flicked the reins, and the sleigh creaked into motion,the blades making a slicing noise over the snow, which was tightly packed here on the palace grounds. And, oh lord, the horses had jingle bells around their necks.

It should have been too much.

When she was little, her dad used to take her to the Central Park carousel. There had been a period of about a year while her mom was in the process of being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis—when her mysterious episodes of pain and stiffness didn’t yet have a name—when she spent a lot of time being poked and prodded at Mount Sinai West hospital. Dad and Cara would take the train in with her, drop her off, and walk to the park. Even though those had been somber times, Cara still remembered the liberating feeling of getting on that carousel. Part of it was the splurge. Her parents never spent money on things that weren’t necessities. So to have her dad hand over cash for something so frivolous and fleeting as a carousel ride felt like the peak of indulgence. And then there was the actual ride. The novelty of it, thethrillof it. The swooping of those horses, the gathering of speed as the ride started.

This felt like that. The snorting of the horses and the whishing of the blades on the squeaky snow. The crisp, pine-scented air, and the coziness of having a heavy blanket on her lap. It was exhilarating. As they picked up speed, she let loose what could only be called a giggle of delight, though Cara didn’t like to think of herself as the kind of person who giggled—in delight or for any other reason.

“Well, if I’d known all I needed to do to crack your serious facade was to take you on a sleigh ride, I’d have done it straight away.”

She decided to pay him a compliment. “Do you think it’s thesleigh ride that’s making me happy, or do you think it’s the residue of last night’s mind-blowing orgasm?”

He looked down and away, but she caught him grinning. He was embarrassed and pleased in equal measures, she thought.

“No regrets by the harsh light of day?” he asked.

“None whatsoever.”

“Well then. Let’s not be too long with this little outing.”

It was an ideal day for a sleigh ride. Cold but clear, the sun beat down on them. When they reached the spot Matteo had thought would make a pleasant setting for lunch, he hopped out. “Stay put for a moment, will you?”

Cara nodded, and he had to tear his gaze from her in order to see to the horses. She looked so happy.

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