It’s not too late. I could back away from this. Go back to being a good soldier.
But frankly, he’d never been a happy one, even if he had been obedient.
Why is it wrong for me to have electronics that aren’t issued by the order?
The rationale was that unsecured devices could be charmed by a technomancer; a plain, store-bought unit lacked protective measures granted by official ones, and order secrets could be stolen. Now it seemed like more of a leash than any necessary safety measure.
Since this was a plug-and-play unit, it was ready to go within fifteen minutes of unpacking. Then he logged manually into his old email account without even syncing the browser on his other laptop. Just in case the order had planted something that would alert them to a secondary device.
A fresh wave of spam had buried the email from his grandad, but he pulled it up via search and reread the message. Then he clicked COMPOSE and started typing.
Dear Grandad,
I’ve taken the leap and I’m writing to you outside of official parameters. You know as well as anyone what that means. I was young when you left, but not too much to understand the scope of it. Da made it clear there was no going back. They erased your name from the rolls, and he caned me each time I mentioned you. Until I stopped.
But I never forgot your toad in the hole or the taste of the tea and toast you made for me. It was the best in the world, I reckon. I hope you’ve kept well and happy all these years. The boy in me just wants a hug and to tell you that I’ve missed you dreadfully. The man I’ve become knows it’s not that simple. I can’t ask you to tell me where you are and trust that I won’t betray you immediately to the order.
They say a man can’t row two boats, and you’d know best how I feel right now. Did you have doubts too? Did they nibble away at you, whispering questions we’re not allowed to ask? I’ve wondered how long it went on, until you couldn’t follow those orders any longer. And I’ve wondered what’s wrong with the rest of the hunters—that they don’t feel as I do.
At any rate, what I can do is ask how you’ve been. I’d like to hear about your partner if you’re willing to share. I know little about the…
Here, Gavin hesitated. Typing the word seemed like blasphemy. But then he went on with the email.
I know little about the witch for whom you risked your life, the one you left us for. Pardon if that sounds bitter because I know it was grim choice, a snap decision. And I hope you’re safe and happy. Truly.
If you’re able, I’d love to learn more about your life, any details you feel safe sharing.
As for me, I’m well enough, if plagued with uncertainty. I’m starting to want to follow your path, Grandad. But I’m scared of what it would mean and what that choice would do to Da. Real men aren’t afraid to admit fear, right?
Here I am, admitting, if only to you.
And finally, leaving the best—or worst—for last, what did you mean that the order can’t be trusted? I read the sentence, but it’s swollen to ten times its size in my head, and I need to know more. Please, tell me what you discovered, what made you run.
Please.
Love always,
Gavin
Whew. He rubbed at his eyes, mildly surprised to find tears standing in them. Immediately he wished that Clem were here because he could really fucking use a hug. As if he’d conjured her, her icon lit up his phone screen, indicating a new message.
Tomorrow night, we’re having a party. Will you be my date?
Startled, he stared at the text. That…it sounded like a function that she’d invite an actual partner to, a significant other, not a hookup. Her friends would be there, most likely her cousin, and people who were permanent fixtures in Clem’s life. He should refuse. He should—
No, this was exactly the sort of occasion he must leverage. And Gavin hated that thought because it came straight out of his father’s playbook.Infiltrate. Identify. Eradicate.Briefly Gavin closed his eyes, beyond conflicted. There was no way in hell he could miss this party. He rang her up, figuring if she had time to text, he ought to get to hear her voice to offset the awful swirl of guilt in his wretched gullet.
“Hello, love. You’re free?”
“But not cheap,” she shot back.
Gavin laughed. Despite the awfulness of his situation, her voice always boosted his spirits. “When and where?”
“You’re asking about the party? Just clarifying that this isn’t a booty call.”
“Well, it wasn’t…” He drew the last word out as heat shimmered within him, never needing more than a spark where she was concerned.
“Not tonight. I have family stuff to deal with,” she said on a sigh.