“What?” I asked, ducking my head to catch her gaze.
A rush of air left her lungs. “You never said anything after I rambled on about sex.”
What could I say without breaking her heart? Without losing her. Relationships were not my thing. Love? Definitely not my thing. Sex with no strings used to be my thing until the night I met Tuuli.
I had no clue how to verbalize my feelings. So, I showed her. I slid a hand around the back of her head, tangling my fingers in that gorgeous hair. I pulled her close, and I kissed her. I continued, giving all I had, and soon, I was crawling over that small body, urging her to lay down, pressing my hips between her thighs. She opened for me, her mouth, her legs. She offered herself, and without prompting, she kissed me back, and I fell into that dangerous fog of lust and want and selfish pleasure. My cock was hard and thick between us, and I made sure to move, grinding into her warm body, showing her how she affected me.
I waited for the right moment when her body softened beneath me—giving in. I pushed her to the point where I knew she questioned her vow, until I knew she would give herself to me without hesitation, and then I broke the kiss. I found her eyes, and I ground my erection between her legs before pushing to hands and knees above her.
“I told you before, I don’t do relationships. I’m not capable of falling in love. I don’t know what this is between us. I do know that I like spending time with you. But you have to know what you do to me. You have to know that if I kiss you again, or you kiss me again, it will lead to more. If I’d kept going just now, you would’ve given in. You can’t deny that. There will come a time where I get lost in the moment, lost in my own head, and I won’t be able to stop. Or maybe you won’t want to stop. And we’ll fuck. Then I’ll be the guy who made you give up your vow. I’ll be the guy who made you dirty.” I paused for a breath, and to make sure she heard my next words loud and clear. “I respect that you want to save yourself for the right guy. Whoever that man is, he’s one lucky bastard. But you have to know it won’t be me. I’m not built that way. And goddamn, Bunny, I don’t want to be the guy that ruins that for you.”
She looked so vulnerable, with her innocent eyes, her flushed cheeks, and her wet lips. She understood what I was trying to say. The wonderment I was used to seeing was gone. Now, there was nothing but a sad ocean of blue blinking up at me. My words cut her deep. It hurt me to say them, knowing she might never want to see me again.
Tuuli held my gaze. She swallowed.
And then she forced a smile.
“You just said more to me in thirty seconds than you have in the past two months.”
I sagged against her, resting my head on her chest. Her arms came around me, and she stroked my hair.
“So, what now?”
“You tell me,” I inhaled her vanilla scent one more time before pushing to my feet and offering a hand to help her up.
“Friends?” she asked, voice void of any confidence.
I nodded, trying to appease her, knowing we’d eventually crash and burn. I couldn’t be friends with a girl I jacked off to daily.
I waited for her to break. Expected a lip quiver, tears to fall, or at least watery eyes. She gave me nothing but that sweet smile, and that soft voice. “Can we eat now? I’m starving.”