Page 80 of My Brother's Forbidden Friend

I don’t give her a look of pity because that’s a sure way of getting her to stop talking.

“I think a lot of people wish they’d do that. There are a lot of memories I think I’ve forgotten over the years.” Which is the truth.

“There are some I don’t think I’ll ever forget. But being the youngest, I remember Mom the least. I used to be jealous of Cade, because he could recall everything about our mom because he’s the oldest. All I have is the way she hugged me when she reached me on the ice. The pat of her hand on my back, ushering me toward my dad. I feel like after she died, that’s the only memory that stuck in my head. As if it erased all others.” She sets down the wine and stares at the darkening sky. “Then I hear my dad’s screams, see his face transforming in horror. Him lunging forward and my brothers grabbing me.”

No tears fall from her eyes. I’m sure she’s recounted this moment so many times that she can do it on autopilot.

She looks at me. “I’m ruining our night. I’m sorry.”

I take her hands and scoot closer to her. “Never be sorry. I want you to trust me. I want you to open up to me so I can help you heal.”

She tilts her head and stares at me for a moment with a sad smile. “I’m not sure I’ll ever heal. I think this is just the way it is. I came to the realization a long time ago, after years of therapy, that I’ll just live my life feeling guilty about what happened.”

“You were five.” I brush my thumb down her cheek.

“At five, you should know not to go on the ice. Especially when you live in Alaska. It was so stupid of me.” She hangs her head low.

“Have you thought about going back to therapy?” I refuse to let her live the rest of her life taking the blame for her mom’s death when she was so young.

“I went for years, and I’m sure it got me to where I am now. Functional, able to laugh, able to have fun.” She looks more intently at me. “I’m not sitting at home crying every night, you know that.”

Maybe I am trying to be superhuman and fix it all for her. When something so tragic happens, maybe it just hangs there above people like a rain cloud and sometimes it pours. I loved Mrs. Greene like a mother, and I used to hear Fisher cry sometimes when I’d spend the night. Something out of the blue would set him off and he’d retreat, no longer wanting to play or do whatever we were doing. Time seemed to heal those wounds for him.

“After it happened, I remember you were a shell sometimes,” I say. “Just sat at the end of the table and ate your dinner. Then you’d go to your room. I always had this pull toward you, wanting to help you, even as kids—ever since I saw you on the swings at your mom’s wake.”

She smiles at me. “I remember that. You got me to eat, then I climbed the trellis and told you not to look up my dress.”

“Your dad never took it down.”

“Because we moved to the big house. I’m sure Fisher will before Laurie is a teenager.”

We both laugh. I think that instead of trying to heal that wound that might never scar over, maybe I just need to fill her life with love and laughter. Not dwell in the past.

“Tell me how many kids you want?” I ask, changing the subject.

She pushes my shoulder. “What kind of question is that?”

“We have to make sure we’re compatible. How many kids?” She looks at me for a long beat and I slide closer, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “I’m in this for the long haul, Chevelle. I want you to know that.” She says nothing, and I know thinking of the future scares her, but I need to try to nudge her in that direction from time to time. “I want at least two. No only child, because it sucks. After that, I’ll leave it up to you. It’s your body.”

“Oh, how sweet of you.” She rolls her eyes.

I kiss her and get her on her back. “Let’s get started now.”

I’m joking, of course, but I think she’s relieved to be done with all our deep thoughts. I pull out a condom ten minutes later, after we’re naked and unable to stop ourselves from having sex in public.

Everything about her fits. We’re perfect together.

24

“I VOTE NO PDA IN FRONT OF THE FAMILY.”

Chevelle

I slide under the sheet next to Cam. We’ve had sex every night, whether it’s while we’re watching a movie and his hand slides under the blanket and up my thigh or when we go to bed. He’s insatiable, and he’s made me insatiable. But he’s given me the gift of oral sex a lot more than I have him, so since I woke up early today, I figure I’ll surprise him.

He’s grown accustomed to sleeping naked as well, so I don’t have to fiddle with boxers or shorts. He’s already half chub when my hand lightly handles him under the sheet. He must be having a great dream.

I pump him a few times. No movement from him. Then I put my mouth on him, my tongue swirling around his tip before I lower my mouth and take in his entire length. His dick grows in my mouth, and a moan slips from him above the sheets.

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