Page 53 of My Scorned Best Friend

I scoff. “Oh please. You know as well as I do that you’d have made friends with the boys. Which you did.”

It’s silent for a while.

“What were you thinking about at the bay? Specifically.”

Two years ago, I wouldn’t have thought twice about sharing such vulnerable things with him. But since the number one thing I realized was that I need him to be vulnerable with me, I have to be open and hide nothing from him if this is ever going to work.

“You barely talk to me about intimate topics. Like what you’re scared of, for instance.”

“You knew I was scared before the draft. Remember when I snuck outside right before they called my name? You were the one who told me it was okay to be scared and it didn’t matter if I was drafted first or thirty-second, it was what I did once I landed on a team that mattered.”

I inhale over the fact that he remembers that. “What about your fear of relationships? Unresolved fears from your mom dying…”

A long stream of air flows through the receiver. “I’ve just always kept those things to myself.”

“Well, you don’t have to. Whenever you’re ready, I’m here.”

“I’ll tell you one. I fear I’ve failed you in our friendship. You’ve always been there for me, and I’ve never been there for you. Is our friendship one sided?”

I laugh. “You listening to Chip?”

“On the plane ride, I thought about it, and I think he might have a point.”

I shake my head even though he can’t see me. “He doesn’t. You were there for me when my mom died. Unlike you, I’ve always been an open book and you’ve never made me feel anything but understood. You listen to me whether it’s about Fran and her crew on my back for something at the library or I’m complaining about tourist traffic. So, I’ve never felt that way, Xavier. Ever.”

He doesn’t say anything.

“I would tell you… I’m not a doormat, X.”

“Okay,” he says, but he sounds as though he’s not completely sure he believes it.

“Tell me about the season.”

Since I don’t think he’s going to open up to me right now, I figure let’s start out easy.

“I’d rather hear about the expansion.”

I shake my head. “Well…”

We talk for another hour, and I reluctantly hang up, knowing he has practice in the morning.

I get ready for bed, and as I slip under the covers, I struggle to fall asleep, my mind unable to stop swirling. I smile, remembering some of the things he said and the sound of his voice.

As my eyes close, I’m certain I won’t be able to go in halfway because Xavier’s always been my number one person. Might as well jump off the bridge with both feet and have faith that he’s right next to me, as scary as it is.

17

“I GUESS WE’RE OUT.”

Xavier

Thanksgiving at the Greene’s is as chaotic as people probably imagine. There’ve been years that I was grateful to have to play on Thanksgiving, as sad as that is. But this year, it felt as if the flight to Alaska took forever.

Clara and I have been talking over the phone for the past month, and it feels as if we’re back to normal. At least the friendship part. I’m not sure about our romantic relationship, since it’s hard to tell when you’re miles apart from one another. And it’s not like I’m going to try to woo her by suggesting phone sex.

I ring her doorbell, and just the sounds coming from the inside of the house that tell me she’s on her way to open the door make me edgy. Knowing she’s in there and I’m moments from seeing her beautiful face makes me anxious. Usually I’d have walked right in, used the key she never asked me to give back. The key I put in a drawer in my house when we weren’t talking. I still haven’t put it back on my key chain. I’d rather wait until it feels right.

The door opens and I shove my hands in my pockets, so I don’t rush forward and pull her into my arms and kiss her until we’re both breathless. I’ve missed seeing her face. FaceTime doesn’t cut it.

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