Page 48 of My Scorned Best Friend

“The choice isn’t yours. You can be Mr. Hotshot back in San Francisco, but here, you’re just Xavier Greene, townie.” She taps her foot on the hardwood floor.

“We’re finishing this once and for all. I’m not gonna let us throw away all these years of friendship because I stuck my dick in you one night.”

She gasps and winces, and I regret my words. God, I’m such an asshole. Why am I fucking this up so much?

“Jesus, you know what I mean.” I clench my hand in my hair.

She doesn’t look up from the floor. “Yeah, you’ve already made it clear that it was just sex to you.”

I want to fall on my knees and tell her it wasn’t, but a hurricane of emotions are assaulting me, and it feels as though the hurricane is barreling down on me and I’m trying to hammer the wood boards over the windows in order to protect myself.

Fuck, before I can think about what might come as a result of me being totally honest, I let the words leave my lips. “It wasn’t just sex, but I don’t know what to do with that.”

She looks at me, disappointment and sadness like a coat of paint over her beautiful features. “I don’t have the fight inside me anymore, X. Do what you want. I’m going to bed.”

She releases the door, and it slowly closes until I hear it click shut. She walks past me, her shoulder brushing my arm, and I grip her hand before she gets too far. She stays where she is, facing away from me, and I stare at her back.

“I can’t lose you,” I say softly.

“At some point, I have to move on. I can’t keep waiting for you.”

I gently pull her back and turn her to face me. “I know. That’s why I stepped aside for Ben. Don’t mistake my willingness to do it for your benefit for me not caring. It just about killed me to do it, but I knew if I didn’t, there was no way we could be friends again.”

“I wanted it to work with Ben. I wanted these feelings for you to go away. I wanted to get back to when I only saw you as my best friend, but I’m not sure I can anymore. I don’t think I knew that until we made up.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure I can either.” I place a hand on her cheek, and she nuzzles into my hold, our gazes locking. “I love you, Clara. So fucking much.”

That much I know is true. Regardless of what I can or can’t give her, I can admit that I love this woman with my whole heart.

She squirms out of my hold. “I know.”

“But what?”

Clara wraps her arms around herself and bites her lower lip. “You can’t keep messing with my life.”

“What do you want from me?”

“I only ever wanted honesty.”

I step toward her, putting my hands on her upper arms. “You know my demons.”

She shakes her head. “Everyone has them, X.”

“Mine cripple me.”

“I know.” She frowns and her eyes water.

Damn it. I wish I could snap my fingers and give her exactly what she wants. “My life isn’t made to have a partner I love be a part of it. You think Scandals of Sunrise Bay is bad? Try the tabloids. Try having other women hate you just because you’re with me. Shaming you for every little thing you say or do or wear. God, I wouldn’t be able to handle seeing you go through that. Plus, the distance alone. There’s a reason people say no to long-distance relationships. They don’t fucking work. How the hell will I concentrate on my job when all I’ll be thinking about is how far apart we are? I’d always be counting the minutes until the next time I could get my hands on you. Wondering what you’re doing. Missing you and wishing I was with you. If you were my everything, how the hell could I ever stand to be apart from you?”

Instead of the understanding I was hoping to find on her face, I see only irritation.

“That’s fine. But I’m not gonna stick around until your glory days are over. Until you fuck your way through Gucci’s model lineup and enjoy your party days, then when your career is finally over, you come back to poor ol’ Clara, your BFF town librarian.”

I step toward her. “Is that what you think? That you’re somehow second best?”

She says nothing.

“Tell me.”

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