Page 39 of My Scorned Best Friend

I nod.

She reaches for my hand and squeezes. “How?”

I pull my hand back. “It doesn’t matter. I just have to ignore this pull toward her and my feelings for her and eventually they’ll go away. Some other guy will eventually come along and make her happy and he won’t hurt her.”

All my brothers chuckle under their breaths.

“Why are you all laughing?” I fight to keep my voice even.

“You think you’ll be able to be her friend when she’s married to some other guy?” Fisher asks.

“That you guys are gonna hang out all the time and she’s gonna come down and see you play if there’s another guy in the picture?” Adam says.

“Are you going to be her best man at the wedding and watch her marry someone else?” Cade asks.

I glance at my dad and he raises his eyebrows.

Fuck. Imagining that last scenario feels like imagining how I’ll die.

“If you don’t love her, we’re not suggesting you go after her, but if you do… Xavier, you’re wasting both of your time by trying to ignore your feelings,” Chevelle says softly from next to me.

I shove my hands back into my pockets. “There’s a lot you wouldn’t understand. We live miles away from one another for one.”

“Half the year,” Cade interjects.

“All the gossip and shit? People will pick her apart on social media and I won’t be able to handle that, neither will she,” I add.

“Clara has an extensive vocabulary. She can hammer back if she wants to.” Adam smiles at me.

“And—”

“Jesus Christ, X, do you want to be with her or not? Because I’m just coming off shift and Allie’s gotta go to work. I was really hoping I’d catch her at nap time…”

Fisher doesn’t have to finish; I get the point.

“All of you go,” my dad says in a stern voice.

My brothers each clasp me on the shoulder and Chevelle hugs me. “Listen to your heart,” she whispers. There’s so much of our mom in her it seems crazy since she was only five when our mom died.

Once my siblings climb into their vehicles, my dad pats the empty side of the bench.

I walk over and sit next to him.

“I’ll ask again… what are you afraid of?” he asks.

I shrug.

“Come on, it’s me.”

My dad made a point to have a relationship with each of us after our mom died. I think it’s his way of filling both roles as mother and father because before my mom died, she did all the feelings stuff while he did the fun stuff.

I lean forward and sit with my forearms on my knees. “She’s my entire life. Besides you guys, she knows me best.”

“Maybe better?” He arches an eyebrow.

I nod, not wanting to admit there’s plenty that Clara knows about me that my family doesn’t.

“And you’re willing to let it just slip away? How have the last two years been for you?”

---