Page 27 of My Scorned Best Friend

He leans in closer to me over the table. “It’s not what you think. I just know I’d end up hurting you. You know my feelings on forever, Clara. I don’t want a family. My job doesn’t afford me the luxury.”

I tilt my head because there are plenty of professional athletes with wives and kids.

“Okay, some people make that work. But think about what you really want, Clara. Do you want a relationship with a guy who lives so far away, you need a plane ticket to see him? You’re not leaving Alaska permanently. Even if you did, would you want to be with someone who might have to move every few years if he gets traded? Not to mention the football groupies and the media and constant travel for away games. I can’t offer stability, and you deserve that.”

“You don’t have to tell me all the reasons you think you can’t have a real relationship, but what I find funny is that you had one with Giulia.” I can’t help the bitterness that coats my words.

He scowls. “You think we had a relationship? Half the time she was in Europe, modeling. She rarely came to my games. And I was good with that. But that’s not what you deserve.”

The more he talks, the angrier I become. “Stop acting like you’re not good enough for me.” I down the rest of my wine.

“It’s the truth. I won’t do that to you.”

“I’m not some fragile piece of china, Xavier. Yes, we slept together, and I had hopes that it would turn into more, but what did you do? You ignored everything that night meant to the both of us. Do you think you can mask that you felt the same way in the moment? God, Xavier, neither of us were that drunk. Really think back to that night. That wasn’t a one-night stand with a friend. I figured you needed time to realize giving us a go might be a good thing. But then one of your friends shows interest and you tell him he can’t? It’s like you were putting me on the shelf in case you wanted to come back and play with me.”

“It was fresh. I was so fucking confused. And I’m allowing you to date him now, so stop being pissy with me.”

I double blink. “You’re allowing me?” I raise my eyebrows and wait for him to say something else.

“You know what I mean.”

I release a deep breath and stare out the window. I’m so tired of fighting with him. So tired of carrying around this animosity. I just have to accept that he won’t ever feel the same way for me as I do for him. I can’t fault him for it. He may have been high handed in the way he handled everything but is the satisfaction of punishing him really worth losing my best friend for any longer than I already have?

“I’m fucking this all up. I just want you back in my life. I miss you.” He slides his chair around so he’s next to me. “I miss you so fucking bad, Clara.”

“As a friend?”

His face drops and his hazel eyes have a sheen on them. “I wish I could give you what you want.”

“I’m not sure I want that from you at this point anyway. I mean, I did two years ago, but now?” I shake my head. I love him so much, but I’m not going to beg a guy to love me or drag him into a relationship and have him resent me in the long run.

“Oh.”

Chef Colin comes out and stops. “You’ve barely touched your soups and I have your salads.”

“Can you give us ten minutes?” Xavier asks, then returns his attention to me.

Chef Colin nods then leaves.

“I’m sorry for crossing that line with you two years ago when I wasn’t ready for us to be more than friends. It was a shit thing to do to you. And I’m sorry for telling Ben he couldn’t date you. That was a dick move after I’d made it clear I didn’t want us to date. I’m also sorry for rubbing Giulia in your face and bringing her here. I was really messed up when you stopped talking to me. Everything I did, I did in an effort to keep things the same between us because I never wanted to lose you, but it all backfired and I ended up losing you anyway. I’ll do whatever you need me to in order to get our friendship back, just say the word. But please forgive me.” His hand slides into mine and his warmth travels up my arm.

There’s no denying that this man feels like home to me. Maybe we are only meant to be friends. I can accept that. But I can’t accept not having the man I used to trust more than anyone in this world not be in my life anymore.

I nod.

“Really?” A half smile forms on his face like he doesn’t want to get his hopes up.

I nod again.

He whoops and beams, standing and pulling me to my feet and right into his arms. I forgot how good it feels to have him wrapped around me, and I inhale the scent of his cologne. But the musky citrus smell only spurs a memory from our night together. Surely I can get past the feeling of wanting him as more than a friend. I have to if I want to go back to the way things were before.

Two hours later, after Xavier and I have talked and laughed over dinner the way we used to, the front door unlocks and in walks Rome Bailey.

He shakes his head but has a smile. “I’m sorry, you two. I was out of town with my wife for a getaway. I had no idea the two grandmas convinced Colin to open up on a day we’re usually closed.”

We both stand and shake his hand, complimenting him on the restaurant.

“I heard they even enlisted Rylan and Calista.” He shakes his head. “You two kiss and make up?”

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