“I can’t go through that again, what if they attack more than just me? What if they make comments about my family, my mom? You and I said that we were done. No strings attached once we left the lake house. It was over.Wewere supposed to be over.”
“Is that what you want?” he asked, his voice softening as he looked at me.
“All we do when we have to talk about serious shit is fight! Aren’t you tired of fighting? We can’t build a healthy relationship together if all we are going to do is fight.”
Clarke scowled, dragging his hand through his hair. “So, what you’re saying is that you don’t want me?”
“I’m not saying that. I just need more time.”
“Time for what? Hasn’t us being apart been enough time?”
I sighed and shook my head. “No, Clarke, not when you’ve been calling almost every night. Not when I wake up to missed calls and texts and then I second-guess if leaving was for the best.”
Clarke nodded looking wounded. “I’m sorry I was too drunk last night, but I came here to tell you that I love you. But you’ve made itveryclear that you don’t want me. You say you want time and now you’ve got it.
He grabbed his shoes and pulled them on. “I won’t try anymore. I’ll stop calling you. I’m going to the lake house, if you change your mind, but I’m not going to wait around here and beg you to be with me.”
Before I could say anything else, the door was slamming behind him.
I stood there, shocked by what he said.
He loved me.
I dropped to the couch and buried my face in my hands. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I replayed the last several hours in my mind, trying to figure out something else I could have done differently.
We couldn’t be together, my mom needed me, and I had my gallery opening. And I knew I wouldn’t survive another media shit storm with the internet trolls picking me apart like I wasn’t a human being with actual feelings. No, being with Clarke was a terrible idea. It was better to just let it go and put myself first in my life for once.
Except now he was gone, and I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with the gaping hole he had left in my heart.
26
CLARKE
Twoweekswithoutaword from Leigh. Two weeks without a single call or text. The fight we had seemed as if it would be our last one. She had no interest in coming to see me. If she had, she would have gotten in contact by now.
I spent every free moment I had working on the lake house and avoiding the city. If anything, my time at the lake house had taught me that I didn’t want to live in the city anymore. I wanted to be out in the country, free to roam. I wanted to spend time in the sun and the fresh air, not worrying about when a camera would be shoved in my face next.
I had told Tyson I would fix things and showing up to see her drunk was not fixing things. Walking away from Leigh that morning, not fighting harder for us, was a mistake. I should’ve kept a level head and worked through what was holding us back. We could have talked about what we could do to move forward, but instead, I had retreated to the lake house. I knew why I did that now. I could always clear my head here, and I needed time now to figure out how to win her back and keep my promise to Tyson.
I sighed as I scrolled through photos of a large home, similar to the lake house, just outside of town. I was looking for a house out there that would be my own, away from the people who thought they could have all the access they wanted to my life.
The realtor was a young man, fresh out of college but eager to make a name for himself in real estate. While driving from property to property, Cameron told me about his first day on the job to the current moment in time, without pause in between. He was new to selling in the area, but he knew what he was talking about when it came to real estate.
We pulled up to a large house with enormous windows and stone walls. The roof on one section of the house rose up into a tall point, windows following it nearly all the way up. From the front of the house, you could look right through and see the massive yard and lake out back.
“This place looks great,” I said as Cameron led the way to the door, opening the lockbox and taking out the key.
When he opened the door, pale oak floors glistened beneath the natural light streaming through the windows. While the ceiling was painted white, the beams were exposed and stained dark. The kitchen was huge and had been updated recently, all bright white cabinets, quartz countertops, and new contrasting black appliances.
“This place is stunning,” I said, walking to the wall of windows at the back and staring out over the water. “How much?”
“Within your budget, although, I think you should come in ten thousand over their asking price though. We could likely get them to leave the boat if you’re willing to go twenty.”
I nodded, considering the price as I walked through the house to the bedrooms. The main bedroom was huge, with a wall of windows that ran from floor to ceiling, highlighting the view of the lake.
“The windows are actually doors that will lead onto a private deck,” Cameron said, gesturing at the handle hidden to one side of the wall.
If I closed my eyes, I could see Leigh in this house. She would be laughing and smiling, dancing around to music in the morning while she got ready for work. She would sing her heart out to songs she only half knew. It was the same routine she followed every morning while we were at the lake house.