Page 35 of Stuck with the Grump

“I’m so proud of you, Leigh. You’ve always been a hard worker and you’re following your dreams. I wish that I had been as determined as you when I was younger.”

“Mom, I don’t want to rain on this parade or anything, but what’s happening? You never call me this early in the morning.”

She sighed. There was a long pause on the other end of the line. I could hear her nails tapping against the side of her mug of coffee—a habit that only showed itself when she was anxious.

“Mom?”

“It’s nothing big, Leigh. The doctors have just decided that we’re going to begin treatment right away. I get admitted in a few hours.”

“They’re keeping you at the hospital?”

“I’m still young enough that they want to attack the cancer as aggressively as possible. The doctors think that the best chance of that is admitting me and keeping me where they can monitor the progression daily.”

“You’re going to get really sick.”

“I’ve been really sick,” she said softly, her voice sounding choked as she spoke. “This might be the answer but if not, at least we tried. Your dad and I were talking last night, though, Leigh. I’m going to call Tyson and talk to him after we get off the phone. But this is going to be the first and only time I’m going to try to fight it. Life isn’t worth living if I’m going to spend the next several years in and out of treatment and sicker than I’ve ever been without treatment.”

A chill raced through my body at her words. In the blink of an eye, I could see myself standing at the side of her grave with tears running down my cheeks. Biting back the sob that threatened to escape, I walked over to the couch and curled up, wrapping a blanket around myself.

“You don’t want to keep fighting?”

“It’s going to be hard on my body, Leigh. There’s no guarantee that treatment is going to be successful, and I don’t want to have to go through that twice. I don’t want you guys to see me like that.”

“So, you’re going to give up if treatment doesn’t work the first time?”

She sniffled. “No, I’m going to live the best life I can with the time I have left if the first round of treatments doesn’t work. I don’t want to die, Leigh. Spending the rest of my life chained to a hospital bed and taking drugs designed to destroy my body may as well be the same as dying.”

I dug my nails into my palm, trying to wrap my mind around what she was saying. “It isn’t fair.”

Mom chuckled; the laughter broken by a sob. “None of this is fair. This time, I’m going to fight like hell to get better but if that doesn’t work, I’ll accept that this is the path I have to walk in this world. We’re going to pull out the savings we have and spend however much time I have left traveling the world. You know it’s what I’ve always wanted to do. I wish it was under different circumstances, but I can’t think of a better reason to go now.”

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I took a deep breath. “When do you have to head to the hospital?”

“Your dad’s tapping his watch now so I would say we’re already late.” She paused, her breathing shaky. “I love you, Leigh. Come visit me once you get back to the city.”

“I’ll see you as soon as I can. I love you too.”

When the call ended, I got up from the couch and walked to the back door, ripping it open before shutting it behind me. I didn’t care about the rain falling and soaking through the blanket as I sat in one of the chairs. The icy water brought small stabs of feeling into my otherwise numb body.

I screamed into the air, letting go of the rage and frustration that had been building for months. I screamed until there was no sound left and all I could do was sob. With a soaked blanket clutched to my face, my tears mingled with the rain.

“Leigh, what are you doing out here?” Clarke asked, appearing in the doorway with a pair of shorts slung low around his hips. “You’re going to make yourself sick.”

“That’s fine,” I muttered, nestling deeper into the chair. I sniffled and tried to swallow the lump in my throat that still choked me.

“No, it’s not,” Clarke said, crouching down beside the chair and reaching for my hand. “You’re freezing. You need to come inside.”

“Leave me alone.”

Clarke sighed, rubbing my hands between his. “Leigh, come on. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

I scowled, staring out at the lake. “What if I don’t want to tell you, Clarke? I don’t need you sitting around and waiting to fix my problems. I’m a big girl and I can handle myself.”

“I’m just trying to help.”

“I don’t care,” I said, getting up and shoving past him. I could feel his eyes burning a hole in my back as I walked away. More tears rolled down my cheeks, but I wiped them away.

I didn’t want comfort right now. I wanted to hurt as much as my mother was hurting.

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