Page 79 of Candy

“But I do, Candy. I don’t think you realize what this has meant to me. I have never had someone I could depend on the way I do you. No one has ever been there for me like this. I’m not talking about sexual gratification; I’m talking about being there to support and guide me, and shit, just hold me when I’m so stressed the fuck out that I don’t know what to do.”

I squeezed his hand. “I’m glad I can be there for you, Mike.”

“When you walked into the tavern bar that day to inspect the place, I never expected us to get here. What was that, two, three weeks ago? I don’t even know, but what I do know is that you have changed my life, Candy. You have given me a reason to live. To be a better man.”

I gave him a funny look. “I think Harley gave you that reason, not me.”

“No, you did, before he was even in the picture. I just didn’t realize it then. I have never been one for long-term relationships, Candy. You know that. I told you upfront that I couldn’t give you what you wanted.”

“I know.” I shrugged. “And I told you I didn’t want anything but what you could give me.”

He paused, licking his lips, and looking around for a moment. “What if I told you that I changed my mind?”

I frowned slightly. “What do you mean? Are you talking about the fact that you asked me to be your girlfriend?”

He shifted in his seat. “Yeah, kind of, but—” He closed his eyes, opened them quickly, and blurted out the next sentence. “Will you marry me, Candy? I know I’m not anything like you ever would consider, but I’m crazy about you, and we are good together. The sex is fantastic, and we will be business partners at the tavern, which makes sense. Plus, you are fantastic with Harley, your whole family is, and I know you would be an incredible mother to him, and he would be lucky to have your family around him to grow up with.”

My jaw dropped, and I stared at him. His words were a blur in my mind, and I tried to focus on the one thing he had said before he began to stumble over his words. “Did you just ask me to marry you?” His head nodded jerkily, and I slowly pulled my hand back and got to my feet. “Are you crazy?”

“What?” He stood, looking baffled by my reaction. “You know how I feel about you, Candy.”

“Do I?” I stepped back from him. “I know you like to have sex with me. I know you think you own me, but you don’t, Michael. You told me before that you weren’t relationship material. I think you would only suggest this because you’re afraid.”

“No, I’m not,” he snapped. “For once, I’m not afraid to make that commitment.”

I stared at him, my mind in shock, while my heart was thundering in my chest. “You go from only wanting to sleep with me to not wanting that at all and only being business partners, but then Harley shows up, and you jump right back in because you have no idea what you are doing, and I didn’t even hesitate. Suddenly, we are playing house, and you go from not wanting anything with me to wanting me to be your wife and raise your kid a week later?”

“You say that like you don’t think I care about you.”

“I don’t know that you do. I know you care about me, but you don’t love me, Michael. I can’t marry a man who doesn’t love me—one I don’t love.”

He blinked as if he were surprised at my words, then he stepped forward and grabbed my hands. “Sweetheart, I don’t know exactly how I feel, but I do know that I feel more for you than I have ever felt for someone.”

“That’s gratitude, Mike. It’s not love. You are thankful for everything I have done for you, but that doesn’t mean you love me. Have you ever been in love before?”

He dropped his head and slowly shook it. “No.” When he lifted his eyes back to mine, I got lost in the soft brown color. “I have never loved anyone, but what I feel for you might not be love, but it is more than I have ever felt before, Candy. I want you in my life—in our lives.”

I cupped his face. “You have me in your life, Michael. I’m here, but I can’t marry you. I know what you are asking is not really what you want. You are scared, even if you don’t realize it. Eventually, you and Harley will need to move on with your life and have your own place. I’ll still be here for you and him, but I can’t marry you. It would never work.”

As I said the words, I felt my heart begin to weep. Perhaps part of me was thrilled with Mike’s proposal, but I knew I was not what he needed. Michael didn’t love me, and I could not marry a man who didn’t feel that for me. No matter how I felt for him or his son.

“I thought you would ask me to be his guardian if something ever happened to you. I never expected you to ask me to be your wife.”

“I was going to ask you to do that, but then I thought that if we got married, it would be smarter.” He shuffled forward slightly. “Can’t you come to love me?”

“Can you make yourself love me, Michael?” I volleyed right back.

He stared at me, and I saw that he wanted to say something, but just then, Carmen opened the back door and stepped out.

“How did it go?” I asked as I turned away from Mike and took a few steps toward Carmen to put distance between us. My chest was aching, and I felt like I would vomit, but I forced the feelings down.

“Pretty good. He was talking more to me today about what he did to care for his mother, and we touched base on the men who molested him.”

I peered at Mike, and it was like he had gotten kicked in the gut as he sank into his chair. “I can’t even comprehend someone doing that to a child.”

“It takes a very sick person to do that, but I know that Harley will be able to heal from this. With all the love the two of you are giving him, he is already looking better and sounding stronger. We should see major changes in him for a few more months.”

Mike and I stared at one another, and I realized that after what he had asked me, I could not continue to let him stay here.

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