Page 109 of Champagne Fizz

Her face goes pale, realizing how close I came to taking something she wasn’t ready to give.

And that’s the point.

She’s not ready, and I can’t take this slow.

“Exactly,” I admit, my hands starting to shake with how upset I am at myself.

Kendall cowers, pulling her towel tighter around herself as tears start to prick her eyes.

“Shit! Please don’t misunderstand this, Kendall,” I plead. “You’re gorgeous and incredible, and trust me, everything about you is irresistible.”

“Trust you?” Her voice cracks with emotion. And that’s the point, isn’t it.Idon’t trust me to be with her, so why the hell should she trust me with anything, including what I say.

I nod, knowing I deserve the anger and fear in her voice.

“I can’t be the gentleman you want—the one youdeserve,” I emphasize. “I won’t be the guy who pushes you too far too fast and makes you regret having sex.”

Her lip trembles.

Dammit, maybe I already pushed her too far.

“I’m sorry,” I say weakly, and she turns away from me to look out at the horizon. “I just can’t—”

She nods like she hears me, but her jaw is set and everything she feels is on her face. Shedoesalready regret this, I can tell. I told her I’d take care of her, but I didn’t.

“Can you please take me home,” she says sharply, getting up and walking toward my car.

“Of course,” I say, deflated.

This isn’t how I wanted things to go. I like her a lot. I care about her. I care about her enough to know I’m not the guy she needs. But all of that seems unimportant now. Water under the bridge.

I grab my things and race to catch up to her, wishing there was something I could say that would make her realize thatsheis not the problem. That her condition is not the problem. In fact, both of those makes her even more desirable.

But that’s not how she’s going to see it.

I’m just another one of those impatient guys who can’t wait around for the virgin to decide she’s ready for him.

That makes me the asshole. I admit that. I’m fine with that. But even if she agreed, it doesn’t change the fact that she’s still going to blame herself for everything. And I wonder if that is worse than if I actually took her virginity.

29

KENDALL

Isit on the shore near my apartment with my feet in the sand. I’m covered from head to toe in leggings and a t-shirt; I’m no longer wearing that sexy bikini. It seemed to hold so much promise, but instead it was a Trojan Horse showing me how foolish I was to trust Simon.

The ocean is dark, and the purple sky is bruised with no stars. I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel. Simon and I were having an incredible day. We’d made real progress. We’d done more together in an afternoon than I’d manage to accomplish in twenty-five years. But then—Simon put up that brick wall and threw me away.

I don’t know why I’m so disappointed. Despite all of Lady Lada’s summersaults and happy parades in Simon’s favor, a part of me expected this to happen. I just wanted to believe Simon would be different. That he would be the one.

Geez, Kendall. What did you think? There would be wedding bells and doves at the end of this story?I scoff at my own hallmark-card cheesiness. Yes, I’m a romantic. I want to believe in happily ever after. I wouldn’t be a wedding planner if I didn’t. But I wasn’t expecting Simon and I to be soul mates. I just wanted … a boyfriend.

I laugh at how naive that sounds. But it was nice to have someone to laugh with, someone I wanted to touch my body, someone I thought I could trust. I lie back and stare at the swaths of violet and burgundy; a patchwork of colors that feel like my beat-up heart.

I’ll be more careful next time. I’ll be more vigilant to ignore Lady Lada’s tantrums and protests. I’ll stay focused on what matters: my career, Olivia and Ned’s wedding, throwing myself into my work.

You wish that was the answer!Lady Lada snorts.But the truth is you’ll end up an orgasm-deprived spinster. Always a wedding planner, never a bride.

I don’t need to be a bride. I don’t even need to be a girlfriend, or the friend with benefits, or the professional colleague with benefits (cause who knows what Simon and I really were). What I need is to take accountability for the fact that I screwed up. Amen, Sue Blade. The truth is Clark Kent glasses and nerdy accountants are just as horny as all the other men that only want one thing.

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