Page 7 of Whiskey Splash

“Riiiight,” he says, his tone turning hard. “Objectify the TV star and get my sister laid in the process—thatkind of nice.”

I look up at Desmond, horrified by how shitty that sounded.

“Oh God, no! I didn’t mean it like that!” I shake my head furiously. “I’m sorry, that sounded awful. You’re an actor and people probably objectify you all the time, and we just—shit!” I ball up my fists in embarrassment, not sure how to bail myself out of this. So, of course, I just keep talking! “I mean, Arie might’ve meant it that way. But, of course, you’re a real person. I knowyou’re a real person, with feelings, and—”

Desmond bursts into laughter and I stop cold. His shoulders heave against the booth and a giant smile spreads across his face.

“Oh, you were—” I say awkwardly, realizing he was just playing. “That was a joke, you were making a—yup.”

“It’s fine!” he says, his shoulders rocking.

“No, really,” I say, shaking my head. Even if it was a joke, I still feel shitty for objectifying him. “It’s kinda not. It was an awful thing to say.”

“Hey…” Desmond leans forward, putting his tanned forearms on the table. “Nine out of ten people who meet me expect to meet the billionaire playboy with the ten-inch cock from TV.”

“Ten inch—” I balk, my mouth drying up like I just ate a sand popsicle. I reach for one of the flaming cups, but—news flash—it’s full of fire instead of water. “Frankly, ten inches sounds rather painful,” I say because, yup, I’m the queen of foot-in-mouth disease.

I grab the champagne glass to shut myself up, blowing out the flames so I can take a large gulp of the sparkling bubbly and hopefully drown myself in carbonation.

Desmond laughs. “If it makes you feel better, I have a completely average, normal sized cock.”

“Do you now?” I say without thinking, because again, word vomit is a medical condition that I’m not able to control. My cheeks burn as I shake my head. “I didn’t mean—I’m sorry! I wasn’t asking. I wasn’t trying to find out—”

“I have a cock double for the show. It’s industry standard.”

I slap my hands over my face. I am not really having this conversation with Desmond Pike, am I? Are we really discussing the size of his cock?

“Okay, I deserve that,” I shake my head. “Of course you don’t have a cock double, that’s ridiculous. It’s not like the show is porn and—” I look up to him, suddenly realizing I have no clue what kind of show it is. “Wait, it’s not porn is it? You don’t actually show your—” My eyes flick down to where the table covers his bottom half. Then, I realize what I’ve said and I bury my face in my hands again. “Oh my God, what is wrong with me!”

“You haven’t seen the show?” Desmond asks, and even though the tone of his voice is amused, I don’t dare look at him. I’m such an idiot!

“No, I haven’t,” I admit. “I knew who you were because you’re on magazines and the internet. Arie’s the true fan of the show, but I …”

I sneak a glance at him and he smiles wider at me as I peer through my fingers like an infant. I drop my hands and force myself to look at him, gritting through the heat that broils my face that has surely turned me into a boil-covered grotesque.

“I’m more of aDownton Abbykind of girl.”

“Right,” he nods, like that makes sense. “Dinner parties, fancy hats, nothing sexual whatsoever.”

“Not true!” I defend. “Episode three has anal sex in it!”

“Really?” His eyes are wide, surprised by my quick retort. “I had no idea.”

“Well, you don’t see anything,” I say quickly. “It’s all implied. Sexual inuendo, that sort of thing. No cock doubles required.”

“That’s not a real thing.”

“I know that!” I practically yelp and he laughs.

“You’re fabulous,” he says, smiling wide.

“No, I should probably put a bag on my head with a warning sign that says beware of a word avalanche!”

“That’s what’s so wonderful about it,” he says, shaking his head with his amusement. “You say whatever pops into your mind. It’s refreshing!”

“Yes, whatever’s on my mind,” I toss back. “Like your ten-inch cock. I’m sure you’re thrilled to know I’m thinking about it.”

“It’s a normal sized cock,” he repeats.

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