Page 7 of Twisted Ties

"Well, after my father died, I lost my way and he was there to swoop me up and make me feel like I was on top of the world, like I was the most important person to him. Then the honeymoon period ended. He was love-bombing me."

“Uh huh, so he turned into a savage, like his biker name.”

“Yeah. Pretty much.” Keeping score of the amount of times Slither Road has violated me is too hard. That’s why before Sean, I’ve wanted to stay in a drug-induced haze. It’s safer that way; if I have to feel everything, I might want to jump off a bridge. The pain is too great, unbearable, and I can’t live like that.

“Tell me more.” Sean has my hand in front of him and he’s playing with it, spreading my fingers out like he’s making out all the shapes and tiny details of me he can. I’m doing the same to him, absorbing every tattoo he has— there’s a lot going into the caverns of my memory bank. He softly turns his head. “Only if you want to though, no pressure. I want to get to know you, learn from you.”

I kiss him lightly on the bridge of his nose and keep going. “Slither was really humble at first, chill. I thought I was safe with him. He listened to me, he was comforting, and he would make he feel like he cared. He bought me shit and then he told me to stop working, and that he’s got me.”

“Yeah, classic. He was trying to isolate you. Get your defenses down, so you could be his bitch. Sorry, no offense, you’re not a bitch, far from, I’m just saying, that’s how some bikers— men—are wired.”

“I know what you meant. He did what you said— he started to control me, getting jealous over petty things, which is why you saw him push me behind the bar. One of the regulars was chatting to me. It was nothing but because I smiled, he thought I was flirting with him.”

“Ah, got it.”

“He started putting hands on me after that. I didn’t have anyone, and I thought that’s the best I could do, so I started taking drugs, numbing shit out. I became his punching bag. I became dependent on him for a place to stay, for money and for the drugs. He’s a predator.” I shiver as I remember the blackout rages he flew into.

“What a dirtbag! He shouldn't even call himself a man."

"Yeah, well, you came to save me at the perfect time!" I reply huskily as I let my lips glide over his one more time.This time, I am safe.Sean is nothing like Slither.

The window is open a little and for the first time since I’ve been in Sean’s room, I take a look around. He’s got two bike helmets in the corner, both customized with skulls and angel wings on the side of them. On his desk sits a mini replica of a bike, and it brings a small smile to my face.He truly does love his bikes.On the back of his chair is a shirt and some pants. Standard guy’s room, nothing fancy, with a bottle of Jack in the corner beside a shot glass.

“I’ve told you about my story, how about you tell me about your story? You said both your parents were dead. How did they die?”

“Murdered,” I replied with no feeling. There’s a strange feeling, knowing you’re alone in the world. It’s this weird place of knowing if you die tomorrow, not a single soul will know or care. It makes me feel forgotten at times, so I guess it’s why I gravitated to a man who would make me feel even more alone in life. I pull myself out of my sinking thoughts as Sean pulls me closer into him.

“Both were murdered?” His eyes are full of sincerity and care. I can get lost in them, they’re so deep.

“Yeah.” He kisses into my hair as I enjoy the heat of his flesh.

“Together?”

“No, Mom was murdered when I was seven. Dad was murdered about three years ago. I miss them everyday, Sean. I feel so horrible, like my life's not worth it,” I confess. “It pains me that I couldn't have a normal childhood because my mom wasn't around, she was taken from me.”

I’m holding back the hurt, but somehow my voice begins to crack anyway. “Dad, we never saw eye to eye. He caused me a great deal of pain, but at the end of the day, he was my dad and I loved him. It fucking hurts so bad. I wish he were here.”

I could feel my heart hurting. An ache that pulsed so loud, sometimes the only way I knew how to shut it down was to take drugs or drink. I’m cracking up and all I can do is cry now. I release it all and let out the hurt as Sean puts his arms around me, holding me in place. He’s kissing in all the hurt places, and I let him.

I would give anything to see my parents again. To go back in time and fight with my father and to have my mother hold my hand and take me to school. Every now and then I imagine they're around, and I talk to them to get through the tough times. No one at the Savage Outlaws cared if Slither beat the brakes off me; I often became the entertainment, with some of the club pros yelling at me as if it was a boxing ring fight, telling me to get up and fight back.

“Hey, I got you. I got you. You’re good here.”

"I guess that's why I was with Slither for so long; he helped me numb the pain. He provided me with plenty of drugs to help me forget."

"Well, we're gonna work through it the right way this time, honey. I promise you that." He lands butterfly kisses on my cheek and being able to tell a man my story without him dismissing me is a beautiful thing. My breath quickens as he nips at my bare shoulder and snuggles in closer to me.

"Thank you, Sean, I really appreciate you."

“I appreciate you too. I wish I could have gotten you sooner babe, I really do.”

For the first time in my life, I feel like I might belong somewhere.

CHAPTER FIVE

Lover to Enemy

(Sledge)

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