Page 57 of Date and Switch

“I didn’t think it would be such a difficult question to answer, Bryce. I saw this whole conversation going differently. You’d tell me you overreacted to having her dress, that you couldn’t explain it, but something just set you off, but you were better now. And you’d somehow make it up to me—remind me that I’m special, and important to you. That even though the wedding dress represented something in a past life—it didn’t detract from the feelings you had about me now.”

I thought back on all the ways that his actions made all of these statements true. How he’d run his hand down my back when we sat at dinner with our friends. He’d hold my hand every time we went anywhere together. He’d taken to posting the blog because the more popular we got the pervier the comments had become from random guys on the internet. And every night when we lay in bed he’d pull me tight against his body and hold me as if I were the anchor keeping him from slipping into the ocean.

Then there was of course making sure my sister was okay. You don’t just randomly do that to someone you are simply friends with. Yet here he was unable to put into words any kind of feeling other than confusion.

“Bryce, you’re breaking my heart.”

The words came out strained. Behind that truth was a ball of emotion I refused to let him see. If he couldn’t even say with certainty that I meant anything to him, I didn’t want him saying anything out of sympathy.

“Sera, I do love you. But I think part of loving someone is realizing that you are causing them more hurt than happiness.”

I didn’t let him finish that sentence. I couldn’t. It sounded like a conversation that was not going to end in a way that hinted towards a loving and happy couple.

My body moved before my brain told it to. The phone was in my hand long before my brain caught on that I was dialing and speaking to Paolo.

“We’ll be docking in London in the morning, correct?”

“Yes Ms. Sera, we pull into Southampton at zero five hundred.”

“I intend to disembark, if you could bring my suitcase up from storage, I’d appreciate it.”

Paolo didn’t ask me why I was leaving the cruise early. In fact, other than a quick yes ma’am, he said nothing else. I looked over at Bryce. He’d moved to stand by the patio door, his back turned to me. He didn’t even put up a fight.

“Say something, Bryce.” The words came out strangled.

He put his hands on his hips and dropped his head, “I can’t beg you to stay. Maybe it’s for the best. We’ve been cocooned for so long. Perhaps going back to our normal lives will provide some needed clarity.”

Who would have thought when I woke up this morning and had brunch with our friends it would be our last?

thirty-seven

There were so many things I should have said. I wanted it to be a glitch that we’d reset from and forget this business with the wedding dress ever happened. Penn was right. We’d existed in a precious bubble for months and it wasn’t reality. I’d rushed into using such a weighted word like love.

We were akin to a reality showmance, providing entertainment to everyone who “tuned in” to our blog, our live streams on Instagram or watched our TikToks. That’s not real. That’s not “I have a one hundred- and two-degree fever and need to go to the hospital” kind of relationship.

I gave Sera some space to take care of packing her things. Every muscle in my body wanted to go back to the room. I wanted to tell her I’d been a stupid prick. The truth was though, I owed it to Sera to get my shit together. I needed to figure out what a life without Sarah looked and felt like.

“Ellis! Did you hear?” Teddy waved at me from down the hall. “Cruise is shutting down, They’re asking us all to disembark in England. Some kind of sickness or something. We’re being sent back to the states.”

I’d been so in my own head I hadn’t noticed all the cabin stewards gathering with their teams, rapidly calling out directions on how to take care of their customers.

“We’re going downstairs to have our flights changed. You should probably jump on it right quick lest you get stuck flying to some Podunk town instead of back to Beantown.”

Me: Esther, I’m not sure if you heard the news

Me: The cruise line is terminating the remainder of our vacation.

Me: We disembark in Southampton tomorrow morning at five am local time

Me: Could you be so kind as to get with the airline and have our tickets switched

Me: Tomorrow evening if possible

Me: I have no idea how long discharge will take

* * *

I checked my watch; it was just after lunch in New York. At least I wasn’t yanking her out of bed at some ungodly hour to help me. Paolo appeared with all of our empty suitcases from storage and knocked on the door. Sera looked totally startled when she saw two of us standing there.

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