Page 28 of Codename: Dustoff

CHAPTERFIFTEEN

“That was my personal, private business that you decided to share without permission.”

After loose lips Emmett shouted the private details of my life at the top of his lungs, Henry escorted us out of the ballroom. Emmett sat in a wingback chair, eyes full of pleading entreaty, trying to grab my hand each time I passed in front of him. I couldn’t sit as Henry had asked me to at least four times. My whole body felt like I’d kicked over a hornet’s nest and they all buzzed desperate to find a place to land and strike.

“Amelia, I realize that you may not be thrilled that Emmett shared the fact that the two of you are dating with everyone, but I want to make you aware that your reaction to this problem lends to the same behavior pattern as when you are resisting. Is it possible that Emmett wasn’t intentionally or maliciously sharing in that news?”

Emmett reached for my hand, and as desperately I wanted to pull it away. I didn’t want Henry to say that was another gesture that signaled I was resistant to anything other than showing Emmett my obvious displeasure. That was until he placed a kiss on my hand. His lips on my skin created a butterfly effect of tenderness that radiated through my whole bloodstream.

“I over reacted,” he began. The skin around his eyes crinkled, his downturned lips hinting at the concern he professed. “People were whispering, and I could hear the judgement in their voices. I just,” he sighed, flexing his fingers against mine a second time, “they have no right to stand in judgement of you. Everyone started speaking at once and it got so loud and out of control in there. I just needed them all to shut up and stop being so nosey.”

He pulled on my arm, and I didn’t resist. I stood in front of him, allowing him to guide me between his legs. My hands went to his face of their own accord, framing his pouty mouth and puppy dog eyes between my hands.

“People are always going to judge us, right? Last week it was the kids at the fair calling us freaks, this week Nancy thinks I’m a cold bitch. If anyone should be fighting against them and trying to convince them I’m not—it’s me, the resister.” I laugh, a lightbulb going off in my head just as the words come out of my mouth. “I know you just want to protect me, but this is our reality. Moving through life as less than whole in the eyes of the world.”

He turned his face, placing a tender kiss to the inside of my wrist, and the contact felt like it zipped through every vein in my entire body.

“You have enough pain you’re trying to sort through,” his voice was low, quieter than a whisper, “if I can protect you from having to experience additional pain from a couple of assholes I can’t promise I won’t do it again.”

“I’m really proud of both of you.” Henry slapped his thighs breaking the sweet moment. “Not only on the work that you’re doing, but the obvious respect you treat one another with.”

He stood up, and I thought he was going to go back inside, but he turned and faced us again, leaning against the back of the chair.

“Emmett, given that you tend to just roll with whatever happens, you taking control of that situation and advocating for the two of you—it shows that you’ve really been thinking about our lessons here and how to apply them.”

Before he went back into the banquet hall, he turned a last time. “I think the two of you will be a great couple. You’re just different enough that you’re a complement to one another.’

* * *

Support group finished without incident. I followed Emmett back to the Tavern in the sweet SUV the rental company put me in while my little Hyundai was being fixed. Driving it all week had me wondering if it was time to get a car that was made to accommodate my new reality, instead of continuing to squish myself into a tiny car that I’d had since before the accident.

“I brought a bag.” The heat on my face could probably be used to cook the entirety of their holiday spread. “I hoped you might not mind having a house guest.”

It was so forward of me. I wasn’t typically that girl. After speaking with my doctors however, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about trying again with Emmett.

“I thought maybe we could make a second attempt at last weekend.”

The moment the words were out of my mouth I remembered that the last time I was here Finn cleaned my stuff out for me and brought it back to the restaurant. I’d stayed with Finn and Gemini until the bridge opened back up the following afternoon. That wasn’t the memory I wanted to surface in my head or in his.

“We could skip the party and I can show you what an accommodating host I can be?”

He wriggled his eyebrows at me and wrapped his arm around my back. His face was close enough that I could smell the peppermint bark Gemini had insisted everyone finish before the meeting concluded. It was the first time I was this close to him not under the influence of alcohol or hormones. There was the teeniest scar just below his eyebrow and I wondered if that was a result of the rail yard accident or him being a reckless kid. Knowing how far back his friendship went with Finn, I could picture the two of them running around in the woods surrounding the Tavern, creating secret hideaways up in the trees or between the rock formations.

“I was really excited to come today. I didn’t know how I’d feel after last weekend.” I tell him, relishing in the comfort of being held by him. “Even with someone’s big mouth in group,” I raise my eyebrow at him and pin him with a look of displeasure, “just seeing you sitting at the table with a seat saved for me, made me kinda giddy.”

He took hold of my braid, pulling my head back gently so I could look him in the eye, and softly said, “Kiss me.”

I tilted my head up meeting him halfway. It was definitely not just a kiss, however. He made a topographical exploration of every ridge and sensitive spot along the seam of my lips before parting them with his tongue and doing the same of top and bottom lip alone.

“We have a couple hours before we have to get ready. We can talk about what happened at the V.A.”

He extended his hand, wiggling his fingers until I took it, and I followed him into the restaurant. With the exception of some staff setting up for the party, and Finn bustling around the kitchen, the restaurant was empty. He led me to the booth in the back I’d sat at the last time I was here. A server saw that we’d taken a seat and rushed over with a bottle of water and basket of fresh made chips that they provided to the tables.

“I have residual nerve damage,” I told him, just deciding that a direct route was the best course of action. “The nerve that my doctors and I talked about, the peroneal nerve, not only lives in the leg and the upper thigh, but also extends into the sex organs. So, when we were making out last weekend, all the sudden that nerve got hyper stimulated. My body didn’t know how to process all of it and reacted by overcompensating and rushing too many signals through my body. Since many of the nerves it tried to send signals to are either dead from the amputation, or are trying to grow back, a lot of those signals had nowhere to go so they just hang out at the furthest place the signal traveled and kind of accumulate. The pain was really intense. So intense in fact that it triggered me back to being in Afghanistan. And that’s why I started screaming.”

“I’m so sorry, Amelia.” He reached across the booth and gathered my hands in his. “I can’t even imagine not only the pain but how scary that must have been. After I acted like an ass a few hours ago, I really am honored you trusted me with that information. I had no idea that this is what you were going through.”

“Henry was right,” I began. “Part of my resistance is in allowing people to see me in vulnerable situations. Some of that comes from my military training but, it also comes from being in a family of immigrants, who were really poor, and looked down upon. That dependency on others led to a lot of negative feelings towards others.”

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