Page 84 of Wild and Bright

His eyebrows shoot to his forehead. “You booked it already?”

I only nod, and the bewildered look in his eyes makes me wonder if somewhere deep down he’d hoped I wouldn’t do it. That I’d be childish Lauren, throw a tantrum and refuse to do his bidding. He really will regret this tomorrow, maybe even sooner. But it doesn’t matter.

By then, I’ll be gone.

TWENTY-FIVE

Camden

My gaze stays fixed on her retreating back as she saunters through the wide automatic door. When she finally disappears from sight, it feels like the whole world went with her and I’m the biggest sap who ever lived, because I would take it all back. Even after everything, I’d take it all back and live in this constant state of uncertainty, never knowing what to expect from her, if it meant I could keep her close.

And here I was thinking I really loved her.

This isn’t love. It’s obsession—the need to make her mine at all costs. The need to keep her entirely to myself because I could never trust her enough to let her roam free.

If this is love, I’m a masochist.

I nearly leap out of the car the moment I pull into the hotel parking lot, and the icy air hits my lungs. When I open the back door of the car, I give Hunter a pat on the face, realizing only after the fact that it was harder than I’d intended and I’d nearly slapped him.

Shit. I need to get my temper under control. This isn’t his fault.

After another pat on the cheek, Hunter’s eyes pop open. “Shit.” His voice is breathless. “We’re here already? Did I fall asleep?”

I roll my eyes. “No, you’ve been awake the whole time. We teleported from the bar to the hotel.”

He blinks a few times before jerking up and glancing around, seeming to absorb our surroundings. “Where’s Lauren?” The apprehension in his voice tells me he can probably guess.

“I dropped her off at the airport.”

His gaze snaps to my face. “She’s supposed to fly out with us tomorrow.”

And her suitcase is still sitting in our hotel room, while she’s probably at this moment sleeping on an airport bench.

My throat grows tight at my lack of forethought.

“I decided to send her home a little early.”

“You blamed her,” he mumbles and then laughs—a shrill, humorless chuckle that sends a chill down my spine. “You blamed her like you always blame everyone except me.”

He jumps out of the car, startling me by grabbing me by the shoulders. “Have you not learned a goddamn thing? Is your little Al-Anon group thing just something you do so you can look like the responsible brother?”

I stare at him dumbly, unable to believe that he’s asking me this.

“No one can make me do anything. How do you still not understand that? She only came out because she was worried about me. And I blackmailed her into sending that text. I told her I’d stay out and drink more if she didn’t.” He narrows his eyes, shaking his head. “It never even occurred to me I’d get her in trouble. I thought you had more sense than that.”

A cold sickness settles over me. “It’s not about that. She—” I swallow. “She and I have a lot of issues. This has been building for a long time. It’s for the best.”

It’s true. So why does my stomach sink with the weight of my injustice? I had an inkling she was telling the truth in the car. It does seem unlike her recent behavior to go out and party with a relapsing addict.

So why was it my first assumption?

“You’re a fucking control freak. I’m so sick of it. You can’t stand it when other people aren’t perfect. People like me and Lauren. You try to force us to be something that’s acceptable to you. That’s not love, Cam. Love is unconditional. I should be able to expect that from you as your fucking flesh and blood.”

My mouth drops open. “Is that what you really think?” I take a step in his direction. “I do love you unconditionally, and if I’m a control freak, it’s because I’m fucking worried all the time. Do you have any idea what that’s like? I love you so much it’s fucking torture, because I’m constantly worried I’m going to lose you. I worry about you like it’s my job. I worry about you as if worrying about you will protect you from harm. Like if I worry enough, the universe will understand that nothing can ever happen to you. That I would die…” When my voice cracks, I take a deep, shaky breath.

Hunter’s eyes are saucers. “Shit,” he mumbles. I’m startled when he spreads his arms open wide and wraps them around me, squeezing tightly. “I’m sorry,” he says against my shoulder. “I’m sorry I’m such a fucking mess. That I’ve been such a shitty brother to you.”

I wrap my arms around his shoulders and press my cheek against his head, like I used to when he was little. “You haven’t been a shitty brother. I wish you didn’t struggle so much. I wish it were me. I wish I could take away your addiction and make it mine.”

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