Page 75 of Wild and Bright

Both Hunter and Janie’s mouths drop open when I tell them I want to add my sappy song to our setlist for tonight. And even as I sense their cringes while we rehearse it, even as I want to cringe myself, I know it’s the right decision.

It’s time to finally be honest with myself.

It’s time to finally be honest with her.

“I’ll show you my tits, Camden Hayes!” Lauren shouts from backstage a few hours later, and warmth rushes through me. God, I love how ridiculous she is.

I’m surprised I’m even able to make the words out. The roar of the crowd is so loud, I can barely hear my own thoughts. But in these last few months, I’ve become attuned to her every move.

“Lauren.” It’s Jeff’s irritated voice. “Don’t make him laugh.”

“He’s not laughing.”

“He’s smiling. That’s the same as laughing for him. It means his attention is over here, and he needs to engage with the audience.”

When I lift up my guitar, the roar grows so loud my ears start to ring, but I can still hear her voice.

“I’ll let you come on my face, Camden Hayes!”

I gasp out a laugh, and even though I’m standing three feet from the mic, the sound resonates through the arena.

“Goddamn it, Lauren,” Jeff says. “I’m about ready to ban you from being out here. Why don’t you go ask Jade to make you a cocktail? She can make you a pure vodka, extra dirty martini. Come back after you’ve found your chill.”

“Alright fine,” she says.

“No!” I shout.

Lauren twirls around, her eyes wide, and Jeff’s face falls.

“I want her out here.”

When her eyes fill with hope, I’m propelled away from the mic. As I walk in her direction, I know what I’m going to do, even if I’m not quite ready.

It’s time.

No more procrastinating.

“I want you out here every time we play,” I say, and I’m immediately rewarded for it. Her smile grows, lighting her whole face, and something clicks into place in my chest. Something I’ve known since we were children, but never admitted aloud.

“You make me feel…”

Her eyes grow even wider, shining with a mixture of anticipation and hope. Oh God, I can’t fuck this up. I have to tell her the truth, no matter how hard it is to say. No matter how it might irreparably change everything.

“Like…” I shut my eyes tightly, struggling to find the words.

“Cam, you need to get back out there,” Jeff says.

When I shoot him the look of death, his face doesn’t change. He’s long accustomed to my surliness, but then a warm hand touches my shoulder, and I instantly relax.

“Don’t be mean to him,” Lauren says. “He’s absolutely right. You can tell me after the show.”

“No. I need to tell you now,” I say. “You feel like home.”

Her eyes widen.

“And I’ve never understood it, because you also drive me insane, especially when I’m away from you, but when I’m in your presence, my mind goes quiet, and I feel… I don’t know… Warm and happy. It only happens with you, and I think I’ve been chasing that feeling ever since we were kids. I think it’s why I’ve never been able to let go of you, even after everything that happened.” My voice quavers. “I love you.”

She looks stunned, and I know I should turn around and get back on stage. If I wait here, she’ll feel pressured to say the words back, and I want her to really mean them. I don’t want it to be like last time when I all but begged her to say them. But I find I can’t move.

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