Page 53 of Wild and Bright

“Not this time. I need to call Cadence.”

His body grows still. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” I swallow. “She tried to FaceTime me when we were in the car. My guess is she was expecting her bedtime story. I almost never miss it, even when she’s at her dad’s.”

Camden

She looks down at her phone, a wide smile spreading across her face. A small stack of books she pulled from her suitcase now sits at her side. “I can’t believe you’re still awake,” she says. “Your dad’s going to pay for it, because you’re going to be a crank tomorrow.”

I stare at her, unable to move.

I knew she did this. I knew she disappeared around eight o’clock every night to put Cadence to bed and read her a bedtime story. But knowing it happens and witnessing it are two entirely different things.

“Daddy says I can have cupcakes for breakfast. He bought the Oreo ones at Vons.”

Lauren rolls her eyes. “It’s almost midnight, you’re still awake, and he’s letting you have cupcakes for breakfast? Tell him Mommy said only one cupcake, or else he’s in trouble.”

“You can’t get Daddy in trouble. He’s a grown up, and he’s bigger than you.”

When I snort out a laugh, Lauren’s eyes dart up to meet mine, and an emotion fills them that I can’t quite interpret. But in a flash, the look is gone, and her gaze returns to the phone. “We need to get to your story, honey, because Mommy needs to go to bed soon. I brought Where the Wild Things Are—”

“No,” Cadence interrupts. “I want Brown Bear.”

When Lauren’s eyelids flutter dramatically, I smile. The look reminds me so much of when she was a kid—so expressive and sassy. “I didn’t bring Brown Bear.”

“Then Daddy can hold it up and you can read it. Daddy!” Cadence calls out.

“No, no, no. Don’t call him in there.” Lauren’s groan is almost a growl. “I lied, okay? I did bring Brown Bear, but I was hoping you would choose something else. We’ve literally read it every night for the last two months. Can we please read Where the Wild Things Are?”

“No, I don’t like it. The monsters are ugly, and it’s boring.”

“Cade, Brown Bear is literally the definition of boring. It’s the same sentence on every page with one word swapped out.”

I chuckle at Lauren’s genuine dismay, and the sound of it draws her attention. “I know I sound the like worst parent ever right now, but you have no idea how mind-numbing it is to read the same book every night for months and months at a time.” She looks down at the phone, a smile tugging at her lips. “Cadence knows it, too. She doesn’t really love Brown Bear this much. She just loves bossing her mommy.”

When Cadence giggles, a smile spreads over Lauren’s face that makes my breath catch. Her eyes alight with so much warmth, my chest seizes with such a powerful ache of longing, it takes effort to breathe.

I never could have imagined this when I first got the news that she was pregnant. When I first heard, I went out with a group of friends I’d just met in Brooklyn, got drunker than I’d ever been in my life, and woke up on an ice-cold bathroom floor with a bar receipt stuck to my face. Whenever I’ve thought of her since then—even knowing she’s a mother—I still imagined the same wild party girl Lauren.

What could have happened if I hadn’t avoided her? Would watching her read to Cadence be a mundane daily activity?

Lauren starts reading the book, and as usual, the lull of her voice draws me into almost a state of hypnosis. Before I know it, she’s looking at me with questioning frown, and I realize she’s no longer reading, and the phone is on her lap.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

Caught off guard, I say the first thing that comes to mind. “You’re a good mom.”

Her eyes flash with that same emotion I saw a moment ago. It looks like shock and something else… But I don’t get the chance to figure it out, because she averts her gaze from mine. “My mom thinks I’m too casual with her. I treat her like a friend instead of a daughter. She says that isn’t healthy.”

I shake my head sharply. “You’re so yourself with her. So open and sincere and warm. Your relationship with her is easy, like neither of you have anything to hide. That’s how it should be. And who is your mom to define a healthy relationship? Your mom is fucking awful.”

“Is she?” Lauren smiles faintly, her eyes growing unfocused as she runs a finger along the threading on the edge of the couch armrest. “I don’t know… She can’t help the way she is. She loves me and Logan more than anything. And Cadence probably more than either of us. I really believe that. But she shows love by controlling people. It’s like she thinks she knows what’s best, so she tries to force it, and since she fully believes she’s right, she doesn’t feel bad manipulating or shaming people into doing what she wants. It’s a shitty way to love, but it’s who she is. I don’t know if that’s really her fault.”

An uncomfortable thought rises at the back of my mind, making my skin prickle and my throat grow tight. I lift a hand and run it through my hair.

“What?” she asks.

“I think maybe…” I pause for a moment. “I think maybe I do that with Hunter.”

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