Page 76 of Wild and Bright

Her daze clears. “I love you, too,” she says, and my head grows heavy, my eyelids nearly falling shut.

“And I want to be with you for real,” she says. “And you do, too, and we need to talk about it. We need to finally talk about everything, even what went down that night.”

Even in my euphoria, I can’t fight the gnawing anxiety creeping into the back of my mind. I’ve avoided thoughts about that night for so long, I’ve grown to fear them.

“You’re right,” I say, because there’s no other way. “We can talk about it tonight. Talk about everything.”

“Alright.” She squeezes my arm and pushes me in the direction of the stage. “We can do that, but you need to go back out there so your fans don’t hate you. I don’t want you to lose your career.” She smiles lazily, lifting a single brow. “I want to be able to keep spending your money, boss.”

As quick as I can, I grab her by waist and press my lips against hers. At first, her kiss is all fire, but then her pace begins to slow, and I can feel all the tenderness she just confessed in the languorous movement of her tongue. By the time I make it back to the mic, I hardly hear the crowd. I’m too exhilarated.

“What’s up, Omaha?” A wide grin spreads across my face. “Normally I’d insult you, but I’m in too good of a mood right now. My apologies.”

In my periphery, I see both Hunter and Janie’s heads snap in my direction. I can’t see their faces, but I sense their shock.

I grin at the crowd as I lift my guitar. “Okay, this is a really old one. I wrote it for the girl next door.”

* * *

“I saw you dancing a little bit backstage,” I say as I turn out of the venue parking lot. “You seemed to like the song.”

“I loved it. I can’t believe a sixteen-year-old wrote it. It was really beautiful, and I’m not just saying that because it was about me.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see her smile. “I noticed it didn’t have the banjo in it.”

I smile. “I would never insult you like that.”

I reach my hand across the center console and set it on her lap. She slips her little hand underneath my palm and interlocks her fingers with mine. We sit in silence for the rest of the drive, and I know she feels it, too.

The future is overwhelming.

When we pull up to the hotel lobby, I turn to her. “I have to go meet with Jeff about something and…think about some things before we talk.” When apprehension flashes in her eyes, I give her hand a tight squeeze. “Nothing bad.”

Her hand softens in my grip, as if she’s reassured. Still, she lifts her other hand and tucks a strand of hair behind her ears, a sign of lingering nervousness. “What kind of things?”

I exhale heavily. “The night we had sex for the first time. The whole thing is really hard for me to think about, let alone talk about. I don’t think I’ve ever talked to anyone about it except Janie, and that was right after it happened. Since then, I’ve pushed it as far away as I could. It’s so… God.” I take a deep breath. “Lauren, what I said to you after we had sex… It was reprehensible, and I deserved everything I got for it.”

“I wouldn’t say you deserved everything you got.” Her voice is soft.

“No, I did, and I’ve been blaming you for years for something that deep down I know was my fault. The whole thing is so painful for me. What I said… What you did…” I shake my head. “All I can think about is how it could have been different.”

Her gaze is fixed on our joined hands. “It wasn’t all your fault. I definitely overreacted, like I always do, but…” She lifts her gaze to meet mine. “Why did you slut shame me?”

“Oh God.” I look away from her, unable to bear her reaction, knowing my excuse is going to sound that much more paltry and childish when I put it into words. “I’m not trying to justify what I said. I hope you realize that. I’m only trying to explain what my idiot twenty-year-old brain was thinking…” I shut my eyes, shaking my head. “I was upset because… In a way, I had kind of…” I lower my voice. “Saved myself for you.”

“You mean, like, your virginity?”

Her voice is so full of disbelief, I can’t help but smile, even as my palms sweat and my pulse pounds. “Yeah, I was a virgin.”

When I’m finally able to look at her again, I see only surprise on her face. “Really?”

I smile faintly. “Really.”

“We had sex in your car. I was straddling you. I can’t believe that was your first time. You didn’t seem inexperienced…” Her nose wrinkles. “I mean you did come pretty fast.”

I gasp out a laugh. “I probably would have no matter what.” I squeeze her hand. “Either way, it would have been my first time with you.”

“So you really liked me a lot, huh?” The question is timid. “I mean…you wrote that song for me. You saved yourself.”

I snort, shaking my head at the understatement of the century. Liked her a lot. “From the time I was about fourteen until the moment you straddled my lap, I thought about almost nothing but you. I thought about you every hour of the day. That’s not an exaggeration.”

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