Page 109 of Inevitable
“Remember when you told me your dad drank only this?” She held up the bottle.
I nodded.
“It’s some real circle-of-angry life shit to drink it too, when you’re mad at the world.”
“I know.” I sighed. “I get lost sometimes and it ... I don’t know ... it helps bring me back and get even more lost at the same time.”
Her brow furrowed as if she didn’t understand.
“We all deal with our pasts differently, Katie. For example, you blaze through life like this is it and shit just happens to everyone for no reason. Someone could run over me with a car tomorrow and you’d probably shrug your shoulders, agree that it sucks, give me a kick-ass funeral and move on. You don’t dwell. At. All.”
Katie looked a little wide-eyed, like she didn’t exactly enjoy my perception of her. “I dwell sometimes.”
I laughed at the fact that she didn’t deny she’d move on quickly from my death. “You’ve been in countless relationships, and I don’t even keep track of them anymore because you’re never hurt when they end or happy when they begin.”
“Well …” She shrugged like my neglect as a friend didn’t matter. “I don’t care about those relationships. They provide me something and I provide them something. When they want more or less, we end it. There’s no reason to dwell on them. Quite frankly, there’s no reason to dwell on a lot of shit.”
I sighed because I hated that she put herself in those relationships. Most men she was with had money and were old enough to be her father, but it wasn’t my place to judge her when I dealt with my demons in a way she didn’t necessarily approve of. “It’s what I love about you. You know that. But it’s also what people hate about you.”
She shrugged. “Whatever you say, honey. I’m still not sure what this has to do with the bottle of whiskey I’m holding.”
I sighed. “My dad controlled everything in my family. I was too young to drink and he never let my mom touch the liquor cabinet. When I think of him locked up, not able to drink, and me free, completely able to drink his favorite whiskey whenever I want, I get a sick sort of pleasure from it. Then, I’m indulging in it and the smell brings back these awful memories and I get angry. So angry.”
Katie waited, letting me work it all out.
I continued. “I start to lose myself in it. I drink and lose control, you know ... whatever. But he always had the control. It was his to lose, not mine. So, even in that way, I’m happy about it.”
Katie was nodding and smirking a little. “You’re even more fucked up than me.”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s so rude.”
“Whatev.” She nodded to the next shot. “Bottoms up, you sick bitch.”
I downed the shot and winced.
“Okay, we are done now, for real.” She shuddered, trying to shake off the burn. “Hopefully, what I have to say, you will just forget tomorrow, anyway.”
“Ha, probably not after this type of build up.” I hiccuped a little.
“He’s a dick, always has been and always will be. That’s my main point, always, okay?”
“Okay?” I dragged out the syllables, trying to figure out what she was trying to say before she said it.
“And he’s probably psychotic or sociopathic or something.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“I’m not kidding you, Brey.” She shoved away from the counter and went to turn off the TV to busy herself. “Have you ever watched the way he stares at people. Like he’s reading them, calculating them. It’s fucking creepy.”
I shrugged. I knew exactly what she meant, except I thought it was hot.
“Okay, fine. We all know he’s hot, so the way he studies you can be too, but it’s still creepy. Especially considering that every time he does it, he knows exactly what to say to get what he wants from you. He reads everyone right.”
I folded my arms over my chest. “Not us.”
She fist pumped in the air, probably because she was pretty much drunk at this point. “Damn right, not us.” Then she winced. “Kinda.”
“What do you mean ‘kinda’?” I walked over to the couch where she stood and plopped down into it when she did.
