Page 62 of Shattered

“No. That’s not what I mean.” He paced the room for a moment. “You are like a drug I just can’t get off of. And I don’t want to, but I just don’t know how to be what you need.”

“Just leave.” Sam threw his clothes at him. “I can’t deal with the back and forth any more. I’m done.” The tears were starting to blur her vision. “I’m done with you deciding what I do and do not need. I’m a grown woman and can make my own damn decisions. And I chose this. I chose you. You.” She paused as she felt a sob begin to erupt. She tried to hold it in. There was no way she would let him see the extent of the turmoil he had caused within her. She steadied her breathing and looked him straight in the eyes. “But if that’s not enough for you then so be it and get the fuck out of my house.”

He looked at her with a shock filled expression. But she was done. She was tired of the constant cycle and him thinking he knew better.

“Leave.” Her voice was quiet but demanding.

“Damnit, Sam. I don’t want to leave.” He made his way toward her. She stepped back. “I don’t want to leave. I just want to be near you.” His voice finally broke with the words. “I feel okay when I’m near you.”

She watched as a war raged on within him, evident in his features. She wanted to pull him in and wrap him up in her arms. She wanted to take away this pain. But she knew that momentary solace would only last for a few hours—days at best. And then they would be right back to this place. Right back to being half dressed and screaming at each other.

“I want the world for you.” His voice was barely a whisper.

“What?” Her eyes creased in confusion as to where this was leading.

Callum looked at her and she felt the weight of the pain in his eyes. “You deserve the world. You deserve someone who can love you and put you first. You deserve someone who will take care of you and–”

“I can take care of myself,” she quickly interjected. Her emotions were flying in every direction. In one moment she wanted to punch him, and the next she wanted to kiss him.

He smiled sadly then as he nodded.

“I know.” His words were a whisper. “Believe me, I know. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the best. And that’s not me. I’m far from the best. I fuck–”

“Yeah. I know,” she quickly cut him off again. “You remind me all the time. You fuck up people. You ruin people. Right? That’s what you were going to say?”

He silently stared at her as she spoke.

“Look around, Callum. I’m already fucked up. You think my life is so damn perfect because of my major or my funding? Are you serious? There are a million people in the world that make good grades, and I promise you at least half of them have a fucked up past and a closet full of skeletons they are hiding.”

He swallowed, his body was practically frozen as she spoke.

“You aren’t pushing me away because you are afraid you would fuck me up. You are pushing me away because of what you feel for me and that scares you. You are scared.”

He deflated with her words.

“Sam?”

“Admit it!”she screamed as she picked up a pillow and threw it at him.

He didn’t move. He didn’t say a word. He let the pillow fall to the floor at his feet.

“Admit it!” The scream had lessened, but now the words were punctuated by the sobs she could no longer keep at bay.

He seemed to break as he watched the tears fall down her cheeks. “I’m just trying to do the right thing here. I don’t want to shatter your ideal and turn this into something that causes you to hate me.”

“I already hate you.” Her voice was so quiet she wasn’t sure if he even heard her.

“No, you don’t, Sam. Don’t say that.”

“If you don’t leave now, I’m calling the police.”

He stared at her silently. An unimaginable hurt covered his features.

“Seriously?” he questioned.

He went to take another step toward her, but her sudden backward movement caught him off guard and he finally relinquished.

“Fine, I’m leaving.” He grabbed his clothes and quickly threw them on. “I’m sorry again that I can’t be what you need.”

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