Page 40 of Rescued

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CAIMBRIE

I woke up every morning feeling just as displaced as I had the day before. Despite all the comforts aboard theTitaness, I did not grow more accustomed to the ebb and flow of the ship’s routines. The other women were nice enough, and they all seemed so happy, so willing to move on and take part in the movement that Tayla was starting to form. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t envision myself staying here. We cooked and cleaned together, and we held meetings about strategy, but it felt like it was all happening outside of me. I was a mere spectator, and my body was simply a robotic tool used to accomplish menial tasks while the rest of me dreamed of running away. At one point, I tried to convince myself that I could get on board with the whole thing if I jumped in feet first. I called a meeting with Tayla and drew out everything I’d learned about the Patrol’s fuel problems and their flight patterns. But when I was done spelling it all out for them, they took the information and added it to their notes, and my enthusiasm died out. It wasn’t enough to change the tide of the war.

Every once in a while, I caught sight of Tayla bustling among the men, pushing her way across the bridge to join Adreax at the helm. Every time she approached, he looked down at her and smiled, greeting her with a gentle kiss on the lips. No matter how many times I observed this routine, I was always taken by their devotion to one another. The other girls tittered and giggled about it, some of them making inappropriate jokes about what Adreax must do for her in bed. It was all girlish fun and games to them. But not to me.

To me, it was a window into another life, a model of what was possible.

On occasion, I would have Tayla all to myself, and we would talk. She was outgoing, always willing to share her experiences. She didn’t act embarrassed or shy when I asked about Adreax. She would just shake her head and sometimes laugh before telling me another story about their great romance. I listened, but I warned myself not to take it to heart. After all, we couldn’t all be princesses in fairy tales. Tayla’s story was unique and intriguing, but it was not mine. All I could do was pretend it was me instead.

“Adreax and Herod are just so different,” I remarked during one of these conversations with Tayla. “Adreax is so level-headed and sure of himself. And he treats you well. We’ve all seen it. But things are just different with Herod.”

Tayla rolled her eyes and gave me a face that suggested she thought I was full of shit.

“Trust me, I’ve had my fair share of dealings with Herod. He likes to act an ass, but he has a soft side just like the rest of them.”

I snorted. “A soft side? Which side is that?”

“From what I can tell, it’s the side of him you get when he’s finally tired of arguing. Now, come with me.”

I thought back on the countless arguments Herod and I had. It occurred to me now that he wasn’t trying to be disagreeable. He was trying to test me, to see how I would react. At some point, I had fought back hard enough that he knew he could depend on me to fill some of the void left by Adreax.

Suddenly, she was taking my hand and dragging me out of the room where I’d secluded myself for the last few days. She was on a mission, and no amount of begging and pleading from me was going to slow her down. She marched me past the other women, many of whom gave me embarrassed looks, perhaps thinking I was in trouble. Then she brought me onto the bridge and straight up to Adreax himself.

“What are you doing?” I asked, winded by her pace.

“I am getting you the answers you’re after,” she answered. She dragged me forward another step and planted me directly in front of Adreax who was staring down at both of us with a bemused smile.

“What’s this about?” he asked Tayla, and I noted the way his eyes smiled every time he looked at her.

“Tell her about Herod so she stops sulking. She doesn’t believe me, but maybe she’ll listen to you.”

He nodded as if he had been expecting this sooner or later.

“You’ve got the bridge,” he said, giving her a tiny peck on the lips before turning to me. “Let’s go.”

I looked back at Tayla in astonishment as Adreax was whisking me out of the bridge, but she waved me off. She was already busy monitoring the situation reports coming in from each of her crew. She barely spared me a glance and an encouraging smile as she sent me away.

Adreax led me to a quiet corner of the dining hall, a small space with a handful of long tables arrayed in parallel lines. He gestured to a spot and waited for me to sit before he sat across from me. I was embarrassed by his stare, and when I couldn’t take it any longer, I looked down at my hands and blushed furiously. I felt like an idiot, interrupting the captain of this ship for something so frivolous as my fleeting affair with one of his friends. It was truly elementary of me to be acting in such a way.

“Herod has had a difficult life,” he said, slicing through the anxious silence that was eating me alive. “And I’ll grant that he is stubborn. Your assessment of him is not entirely wrong. But he is also fiercely loyal, the best friend and partner a man could ever ask for. He saved my life on countless occasions. Without him, I would not be sitting here today.”

I was listening, but I still kept my eyes downcast, picking at the cuticles of my nails and avoiding the leaden stare that Adreax cast upon me. It was hard not to think he was assessing me, trying to determine whether I was a sufficient match for his best friend, rather than the other way around.

“It takes Herod a long time to trust. In fact, when I first met Tayla, Herod hated her. Maybe he still does in some ways. At any rate, it wasn’t until she stayed by my side when I almost died that he came to respect her and trust my life to her. I think that was hard for him because he’d spent so much of his time saving me all by himself. Now, there’s an empty place. He needs someone to protect. But there’s more to it than that.”

I finally drew my eyes up from the tabletop. I never realized how close Herod and Adreax once were. Thinking back on our few conversations, I realized that the change I heard in Herod’s voice when speaking of Adreax was reverence, and in a way, love. But that still didn’t help me. Just because he loved Adreax in a brotherly way did not make the man capable of loving me in a romantic way.

“What’s the rest?” I asked quietly.

“Herod also needs someone who will push back when he’s coming apart.”

“Coming apart? What does that mean?”

Adreax paused, mulling over an explanation.

“As I said, Herod has been through a lot. Sometimes people who have a dark past find ways to bury that darkness within them. In passing, you might never know that they are struggling. But over time, they get worn down. Sometimes, Herod’s defenses get worn down too. A little bit of the darkness seeps out. He becomes brooding and argumentative, and for a little while he just can’t see the light in any of it. It doesn’t make him a bad man, but you do have to know how to handle it. I found that the best way to deal with his demons was to give him some pushback. Don’t let him run away with his worst impulses. Put up a fight and don’t back down until he comes to his senses. He will thank you for it later.”

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