Page 191 of Wolf Awakened

The moon was so full of serene beauty, and even after I threw all my anger and frustration at her, I realized she was all I had left.

I'd landed upon this world alone with her burning guidance, and now here she was, watching me about to leave this place that never could have accepted something like me. An experiment gone wrong. A being who could be tampered with, abused, and filled with power, but would never have a place of belonging.

A woman who'd never carry a wolf of her own.

Would Onyx be okay without me? Would he continue to remain in the Forbidden Pack when I was gone? The idea of leaving him behind frightened me because he'd do one of two things.

Kill everyone who's dared to hurt me...or die just to come with me.

I had to push away the thought because it would only trigger sobs that I couldn’t allow to come through in this time of desolation. I'd enacted my revenge, destroyed those men who walked at the sides of the Forbidden when their hearts worked with the enemy the entire time.

They’d earned their rewards, the fruit that was ripened and ready to devour, and now it was my turn to leave this world, only I'd do it on my own accord.

"Onyx," I whispered as I looked at the Moon. "Find your mate who isn't a weakling like me. A woman who can handle this world's madness. She’ll be able to survive any punishment of yours and be able to run alongside you every night of the full moon. She’ll be your Ride or Die... like I would have been. I'll always love you. Mother Moon knows...I just can’t be your forever gal. Only your Sweet Sugar."

I was ready to take the final step, and yet something still held me back. I laughed at the reminder that made me snap my fingers with the last pinch of magic I possessed after the mayhem of destruction I left behind.

There, floating above the palm of my hand, was the handkerchief Neo gave me. I admired its silky red beauty with hints of black, and I looked around the snowy floor that was tainted with my blood until I found a beautiful white spot of snow that hadn't been destroyed by my presence. With a little rock in the middle, I encouraged the significant item to lay upon the smooth surface, leaving me to admire the beauty amongst the chaos of blood and my approaching death.

"I'm sorry, Neo," I whispered. "Your loyalty was appreciated. I know you accepted me. I guess...I never accepted myself."

Looking away, I let the final tears fall as I returned to the song that seemed to be my anthem of destruction since watching those five men vanish in the cube I’d trapped them in. I was sure Viktor had figured out how to get them out.

The bodyguard that I still had a crush on.

The reminder made me smile, realizing we never really finished our last conversation. He never told me what I had to pay to get those damn photos, but I guess it didn't matter anymore.

Someone else would have to enact my revenge on Elizabitch.

Turning around, I took one final breath as the lyrics of the acoustic live version of Forgive Me by Chloe X Halle continued to flow in my mind.

The recent find of music that I hoped to train along to was now my last to enjoy within my head.

"Oh you lie, oh you lie, give me back...all my time. So forgive me, no, not really. I'll move on to better things."

Yes. Move on to a life that's far darker than this, only I'll be accepted as one dead soul like all those who came before me, and for once, I'll be among a group of souls that connect with me.

My body leaned back, and I began the dramatic fall, my body allowing itself to grow more numb by the second as the sky grew farther and farther away. My eyes took in the pink moon, and I got lost in its beauty and not the approaching feelings of death that were seconds from consuming me.

Those tendrils of emotional dysphoria kicked in at the final second, and I was suddenly grateful for the dual life I'd lived. I experienced the emotions of a male, while juggling being a woman in the shadows.

It may have not been my choice, but I’d survived long enough to make some type of impact. People would mourn my loss, and maybe then the community would realize what they'd done. What they'd discarded from their own kind and the consequence the cost of life would leave on them and the rest of the world that ignored the shifter way of segregation.

When my body finally hit the water, I felt like the remaining air within me was whiplashed right out, leaving me completely paralyzed with pain that consumed me rapidly. The pain was unbelievable, and yet it was just another consequence I had to deal with. It numbed away just like all those unbearable instances, until I was just completely numb.

The song was still playing in my mind as blood left my head like it had way back then. I remembered this feeling. The chill of the water and the slow movement of my body that moved deeper into the pressured depths of this lagoon.

As the world of light faded around me, my eyes focused on the Moon that seemed to grow bigger. If I could cry in happiness, I would, for I'd never admired such pink beauty as I did in this moment of stillness.

I knew no one would come after me now. No one could save me from my doom.

And that was okay.

I was never a woman who depended on another. I learned that if you wanted to survive in a man's world, you'd have to do shit yourself and expect nothing in return. Even if it meant working harder, being stronger, and understanding that in this world, you come alone and leave alone.

My heart started to slow down as I began to feel the water fill my lungs. It was different this time, as I remained calm and let them fill up. It wasn’t painful anymore, as all those sensations were long gone. I was just a being drifting within its new environment.

This place that would be my final resting place.

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