“Oh hey, comrade.” His voice sounded concerned. “Hey, did you swallow a cup of glass shards or something after I left you last night? Because you don’t sound so good.”
“I feel even worse,” I said. “I think I might be coming down with something. Anyway, I called to say that I won’t be making it in today. I can barely make it out of bed as it is.”
“Oh yeah, sure, no worries. We can handle it on our end.”
“Yeah, but you’ll have to let Leila know. So she doesn’t think I’m ditching or trying to circumvent my punishment or something.”
“Don’t worry about it, comrade. I can handle Leila. You know, she’s not so terrifying once you get to know her. ”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
He chuckled. He probably thought I was scared of Leila, and he wasn’t entirely wrong. So I was okay with letting him think that. “You need someone to bring over some chicken soup after work?”
“Nah,” I said. I didn’t want to feel even more indebted to him than I already was, and I felt bad enough about how last night went. Even though we had already decided we were better off as friends, the fact that I had fucked another man in the bathroom while on a date with him weighed heavy on my conscience. What kind of person did something like that? It seemed like, day by day, I was turning into someone I didn’t recognize or even like.
And the fact that Marco had been so nice to me throughout the entire date made me feel even worse. Even when I’d returned from the bathroom with a clearly bullshit explanation for what I’d been doing there, he hadn’t pressed the matter besides asking me if I was okay. And then he’d been quiet throughout the ride home, allowing me time to collect my thoughts, and simply hugged me goodbye when he dropped me off, letting me know there were no hard feelings.
Marco struck me as someone who was a genuinely good guy, and the best thing for him right now would be to stay far away from me. “I’ll be fine. I probably just need to pop some antibiotics and get some sleep.”
“Are you sure? I gotta let you know you’re missing out. My nana makes a mean chicken soup.”
“I’m sure she does,” I managed a chuckle. “But if you catch whatever it is I have and end up having to call out too, Leila will probably murder us both. And I don’t want that on my conscience.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” His voice sounded amused at the prospect. “It’s a good thing we didn’t have that goodnight kiss then, isn’t it?”
“Yup,” I said. I knew Marco had only teasingly suggested the kiss last night to clear the awkwardness that had filled the air on the ride home. That had been entirely on my end, too, the combination of guilt of what I had done and anger at Griffin’s words choking the humor out of me.
“Okay, I’m going to let you go now, Marco,” I said. “And probably put my body in an antibiotic-induced coma.”
“Alright, will do. Call me when you wake up, alright? So I know you haven’t passed on or anything.”
“Sure. Thanks again.” I hung up and then rolled over with a groan, reaching for my bedside table. I was thankful that I had moved my medication cabinet to my bedside after forgetting to take the pill one too many times. It was the same cabinet I kept my antibiotics in, so I took them quickly, swallowing with difficulty. Even water felt like nails going down my throat, and I coughed after getting the pills down.
Maybe this was my penance, I thought.For everything that happened yesterday at the restaurant.
And what happened after that.
I could hardly believe that Griffin had come to my home last night. I couldn’t stop thinking about everything we’d talked about and the ‘indecent proposal.’ It felt a little akin to making a deal with the devil.
A deal so decadent—as that needed to be.
I wasn’t sure why I accepted, to be honest. I probably hadn’t been thinking entirely clearly, because, as always, when I was in his presence, rational thinking ceased, and my hormones took over. But Griffin was the only man who had ever made me feel that good, even there in the bathroom with everything rushed and hazy. And it wasn’t just the sex either. It was the way he held me and looked into my eyes with such meaning. As if all this was just a little larger than him. As if I meant something to him.
“I won’t fall in love with you,” he said. “The only person I have ever loved was my wife, and I don’t plan on changing that any time soon.”
The words hammered back into my memory, and I tried my best to seal them there. I couldn’t forget that. This arrangement was purely physical. Thinking that it meant anything more than that to him was simply asking for trouble, asking to get my heart broken.
And I didn’t think I could afford any more heartbreak right now.
* * *
I wokeup later that afternoon feeling only slightly better. Still, I made myself get out of bed anyway to fetch something to eat from the fridge.
I opened the fridge, saddened to find that there was nothing edible in there, at least not without a lot of preparation. I wasn’t the best cook, and I didn’t have many groceries on hand, which meant I would ultimately have to go out and get some. I nearly wept at the thought of moving my tired body to the car, but I would have to anyway. If there was one thing life taught me, it was how to do things that were unpleasant but had to be done. I needed to eat because God knew I had to be better by tomorrow. I couldn’t afford to be taking more than one day off work.
I headed to the front door tiredly, throwing it open and then jerking back at the fact that someone was standing there.
“Griffin?”