Page 24 of Doctor Grump

“I thought you didn’t believe in the afterlife.”

“I don’t, but you do.”

There was a pause on the other end of the phone as he pondered over it. I decided to take it further. I had been handling James with kiddy gloves this whole time. Maybe it was about time I tried something else.

I did a quick risk assessment in my head and decided it was worth a try.

“Open the door, James,” I said in a much different tone than I had the first time. It was the voice I had used for new cadets in the army, and it reverberated with authority, brooking no refusal.

There was silence for a few seconds. Then, I heard a click, and the door opened. James stood in the doorway, looking like a complete wreck. His red hair was misshapen and cut in jagged lines around his face. Heavy bags framed his puffy eyes, lined by tear tracks, and the rest of his skin was pale and splotchy. He gave me a weak smile.

“Hi, doc,” he mumbled. “Sorry about the time. I know it’s early, but I couldn’t stop thinking….”

“Come out,” I said firmly.

Fear flashed across his face. He shook his head, and tears filled his eyes. “I can’t, sir. I really can’t. I tried really hard.”

“James—”

“I don’t think I can.”

“James, come here.”

He froze as if not knowing how to respond. I knew there was a risk by assuming a commanding role with him, that it might bring back memories of his father, but I had no choice. So far, he only responded so much to a warmer reasoning approach. He resisted it when it came time to actually take the next step in his recovery, and now it seemed that to get him over the hump, I had to make him.

I waited as the order sunk in, and James swallowed. His expression was pleading, but I did not relent. He looked around as if someone would come to save him, his hope finally fading when he realized no one was. He was alone, alone here with me.

Then, finally, accepting his fate, he nodded.

His feet shuffled forward slowly over the doorway, his right foot first, and then his left. It took almost a full minute for him to move a couple of inches. He paused once he was right outside the door, nearly in my personal space. Shock reflected on his face as if he was astounded that he’d actually done it. I took a step to the side, leaving the space in front of him open. Without touching him, I said, “Move.”

He was clearly reluctant, but I wasn’t giving him a choice. Slowly, he took another step, then another, his legs shaking as he walked. I followed him, giving him enough space so he would not feel crowded but remaining close enough to catch him if he fell. To my surprise, he continued walking, and we slowly made it down the stairs and to the back door of the apartment, leading to the sidewalk.

His hand visibly shook as he rested it on the handle. His breath became more rapid, and his mouth fell open to pull in more air. He had done a good job so far, but then again, we hadn’t encountered anyone yet. Were he to step out onto the street, that would be unavoidable. James lived near the town center, and there were people outside, even at the early hour. He turned back to me with tears in his eyes.

“Keep moving,” I ordered mercilessly.

“Please,” he pleaded.

“It’s for your own good, James. Move.”

I didn’t think he would do it at first. I thought he might start hyperventilating before he managed to finish the task, so I stepped closer and laid a gentle hand on his back. “Breathe.”

The contact seemed to jerk him into action, and in a startled move, he threw open the door and took three wobbly steps outside. Then, he collapsed on the floor.

“Oh my God,” he gasped. “Oh my God.”

“Breathe, James,” I came forward and knelt beside him. “Come on. In and out. You can do it.”

It took a few minutes to get his breathing under control as he sat there on the floor, his eyes staring blankly. Suddenly, wonder filled his expression.

“I did it,” he said. “I actually did it.”

“You did.” He smiled at me, and I returned his smile. “And we’ll do this every day for the next week until you can start doing this on your own.”

At this, his smile fell off his face.

After helping James back into his apartment, the police finally arrived. I let them know what happened and what we discussed before placing him on periodic suicide watch from home. By the time it was all done, it was too late to go back home, so I grabbed breakfast from a drive-thru and headed straight to work.

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