Page 16 of Heart of Stone

“If you want a bath, I’ll heat up some water for you and scrub your back,” he offered, giving Stone a playful grin.

Stone went very still, and then he raised his head, but he still didn’t meet Luke’s gaze. Instead he seemed to focus on a point somewhere over Luke’s left shoulder, and when he spoke, his tone was wooden. “That ain’t a good idea. It’d be best to forget that anything untoward happened.”

Luke’s stomach plummeted to his boots, and he stared at Stone, not wanting to believe what he was hearing. “T’weren’t nothinguntoward,” he protested, taking a step toward Stone and stretching out his hand beseechingly. “It was the best night of my life, and I don’t want to forget it.”

He paused, horrified by a thought that suddenly occurred to him. “Did I hurt you? I swear, I didn’t mean to, and if I did, I’m awful sorry. You just tell me what it was I did wrong, and I won’t never do it again. I’ll do better next time, I promise.” He was on the verge of begging, something he had never done before in his life, but for Stone, he was willing to throw his pride out the window. “Just give me another chance to make it good for you,please.”

Stone took a step back, and Luke could see the betraying flush beginning to creep into his cheeks. He shook his head. “You didn’t hurt me. But there can’t be a next time.” Stone’s voice was hoarse. “There shouldn’t have been afirsttime. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I’d been drinkin’, and when that happens, I do things I shouldn’t. But I was feelin’ guilty for almost gettin’ you killed, and the bottle was there, and I...I was weak. I’m sorry, but you can put the blame on me.”

Luke raked his fingers through his hair, staring at Stone with growing dismay. As relieved as he was to know he hadn’t hurt Stone, he almost wished thathadbeen the problem.Thathe could fix. Flat-out denial was going to be harder to deal with.

“I don’t understand. Why can’t there be a next time? What we did wasn’t wrong.” He fell silent, thinking about what Stone had said, and he swallowed hard, fighting the heavy ball of ice forming in his guts. “Unless it didn’t mean nothin’ to you. Is that it? You felt bad, and I was convenient, and that’s all there was to it?”

At last, Stone looked at him, eyes flying up and locking onto his, the shock and denial on his face telling Luke what he needed to know before Stone even opened his mouth. “No! It wasn’t like that. I wish I could lie to you and say it was, because then you’d hate me, and it’d be over. But it did mean somethin’, and itcan’t. You know the way the world works, Luke. You’ve seen it. That’s why you helped Priss. People talk, and that talk can ruin a person. The hands are already talkin’ about us!” Stone frowned and shook his head. “All day I had to listen to them talkin’ about me ridin’ out to rescue you. I’m terrified they could see the truth about what we did on my face. It’s been hard enough to hide what I am all these years, even with not lettin’ anybody close. That’s why we can’t do this. It’d cost us both too much.”

“I don’t care!” Luke shook his head vehemently. “This ranch ain’t worth givin’ up happiness. Yeah, I helped Priss because I wanted her and Sarah to be safe and happy, but people talk more about women who don’t act like they need a man more’n they talk about men, and you know it. It’d be easier for us, and we’d be careful, but even if people found out, so what? We could leave and start over somewhere else. I’d do it if it meant bein’ with you.”

He stopped just short of blurting outBecause I love you, not wanting to make himself look completely pathetic.

Stone’s eyes were dark, and his lips twisted in bitterness. “It ain’t as easy as you seem to think. You’ve been here on this ranch for the whole time I’ve been wanderin’ half the country, tryin’ to find a place to call home. It ain’t easy out there for men like us, Luke. I got a bullet through the shoulder that told me there’re folks who wouldn’t be satisfied with ridin’ us out of town on a rail. They’d want to kill us for bein’ what we are. You said this ranch was your home, and even as short a time as I’ve been here, it’s become my home, too. I don’t want to lose it. Takin’ a drink last night was one of the most stupid things I’ve ever done, because it made me forget that.”

Luke understood that line of reasoning, but understanding didn’t make it hurt any less. He couldn’t really blame Stone for feeling that way, given Stone’s past; he didn’t know the whole story, of course, but what little Stone had revealed made it clear why Stone would value having a stable home.

“It ain’t easy,” he conceded, his shoulders slumping wearily. “I can’t argue with that. I can’t make you choose, either. I know havin’ a home is important to you. It’s important to me too, but not as important as bein’ happy. Just bein’ here ain’t enough to make me happy or make this anything more than a house to live in. Can you tell me it’s enough to makeyouhappy?”

Stone frowned. “You said this was your home. That you wanted to stay. I’m not just thinkin’ of myself in this. It’s you too! Say we did go on, and we got run out of town. How long would it be before you start hatin’ me for costin’ you so much? We both have a responsibility to this place and to Priss. If we got run off, what happens to the ranch and to the hands? It’s not as simple as just you and me. I ain’t run out on a responsibility yet, Luke. My pa ran out on every job he ever had, and he ran out on us, too. I’d end up hatin’ myself if I acted like him.”

“I couldn’t never hate you.” Luke thought he understood what was going on, at least a little; he still didn’t know if Stone felt anything for him, but whether Stone did or not, it didn’t really matter because Stone had ghosts haunting him, the kind that Luke didn’t have. It would be easy for Luke to walk away from the ranch because it was just a place, and the hands would find work elsewhere, but for Stone, it was all tangled up with his pa, and that was a battle Luke wasn’t sure he could fight, much less win. Stone had to do that himself.

“This is my home, and I want to stay, but more’n that, I want to be with you.” He paused, debating how to continue. He could admit how he felt and see if that made a difference, but he was feeling too battered, and he was pretty sure it wouldn’t matter. Stone had made his choice, and he’d chosen the ranch, not Luke. “But if that offer ain’t on the table, then I guess that’s the end of it.”

Stone nodded slowly. “I suppose it is. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to punch me in the face.”

Luke mustered a smile from somewhere, his pride refusing to let him reveal more than he already had, especially not the fact that his heart was breaking. “No need to apologize. Like you said, we’ll just forget anything untoward happened.” He nodded respectfully and started heading for the stairs, feeling desperate to escape. “Supper’s in the kitchen if you want it. I’ll see you in the mornin’.” He stopped just short of addingboss, unable to voice what had become, for him, a term of endearment.

“‘Night, Luke,” he heard Stone reply, his voice thick and hoarse.

Luke didn’t reply, and he didn’t look back, knowing if he did, he might do something stupid like begging Stone to reconsider. He didn’t know if he could stay on the ranch after this, but he didn’t want to think about it tonight. He wasn’t the kind to act in haste, and he wasn’t about to start now. He’d wait and watch and think, and then he’d make up his mind. But not tonight.

Tonight was for whiskey and sleep, and maybe if he was lucky, he wouldn’t dream about Stone Harrison.

CHAPTER11

“Night, Mr. Harrison! Thanks for a great party! Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas,” Stone replied, waving as the last of the hands headed back toward the bunkhouse. Finally alone, he sagged against the wall with a sigh.

Normally he wasn’t much of one for socializing, but he’d learned the Christmas Eve party was a tradition at the ranch, and his aunt had used the occasion to thank the hands for their hard work. Stone wasn’t about to cancel something that meant so much to the men, so he’d played host, although he hadn’t enjoyed it, because he felt a pang every time he set eyes on Luke.

Ever since that evening in the kitchen when he’d had to push Luke away, Stone had felt awful. He’d told Luke the truth, even though lying would have been a damned sight easier. But he couldn’t let Luke think that night had meant nothing to him; the trouble was that it had meant a hell of a lot more than he wanted to admit to Luke or anyone else. They both had too much to lose, and Stone couldn’t stand to think of Luke being shot by an angry mob because of him. That was the worst part: knowing that he could be responsible for Luke’s death.

It had been awkward between them ever since, which was to be expected, but Stone missed Luke smiling and teasing him and calling him “boss”. Now it was “sir”, and that word made Stone want to cringe every time Luke said it. He wished he’d never taken that drink. He wished he’d never crawled into bed with Luke. Everything was wrong, now, and it was all Stone’s fault because he gave in to temptation.

But he had no choice but to go on, and that meant he had something else to do tonight, something that he actuallywantedto do this time. He knew he couldn’t make up for hurting Luke, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t try to make things better.

Stone headed to the kitchen, where he’d last seen Luke, and he cleared his throat as he caught sight of Luke making a beeline for the stairs. “I was wonderin’ if you have a minute?”

Luke froze with his foot on the bottom step, obviously wanting to make his escape, but he turned to face Stone, giving him a friendly if somewhat impersonal smile. “Yes, sir. What can I do for you?”

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