Page 48 of Pregnant After One Forbidden Night

Simultaneously soothing and strangling, her compassion reminded him of a wool sweater, itchy and uncomfortable in its warmth, even when he was shivering from the cold.

“That sounds lonely,” she said.

Offering a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, he said, “Compared to what you experienced, I imagine it does. But as far as the denizens of the capital go, it’s par for the course. That’s hardly the worst of it.”

“What could be worse?” she asked.

She employed the most sophisticated technique to gather information—she genuinely wanted to know—and like any good mark, he opened up to her. “Before I realized he already knew, had known all along, I tried to tell my father. I was afraid he wouldn’t believe me, so I laid out a case. I took pictures, saved messages my mother had exchanged with her lovers. I collected it all and presented it to my father.”

“Sebastian, that’s terrible,” she said.

He let out a dry sound. “Oh, my mother made that very clear afterward.”

She frowned, her eyebrows coming together over the bridge of her nose in the way that never seemed to fail in disarming him. “I didn’t mean it was terrible that you did it, Sebastian. It’s terrible that you felt you had to. And for your father to tell her that the information came from you?” That she was disgusted on his behalf soothed a deep sense of injustice he hadn’t realized he’d been carrying.

His father had mishandled the information.

Sebastian nodded. “He told her all of it. He told her that I had cried as I showed him my evidence. He was trying to make her feel bad, but she didn’t. Instead, she called me a crybaby sneak and said that it was unnatural that I would do such a thing to my own mother. And then she walked out.”

“How old were you?”

“Seven.”

“And your father just let her say all of that to you?” Obvious horror spread across Jenna’s face.

“Why shouldn’t he? He hadn’t even stood up for himself with her. Why would he stand up for me? All in the name of love and marriage. She was the only thing he ever wanted. After she’d gone, he looked at me and told me it was my fault for chasing her away with my spying and that we would have to do everything we could to get her to forgive us.”

The frown of her eyebrows was so fierce he felt compelled to cross the space to her, to give in to the driving urge to place a soft kiss there. He could lie to himself and tell himself it was because she looked so sad. He would do it to comfort her. “It was a long time ago. It’s all right,” he assured her. “And it’s probably about time we said good-night.”

In talking to her, he had opened a floodgate, and one that he didn’t entirely understand. All he knew was that he was open and exposed and did not know what would happen if they didn’t cut this off now.

Eyes intent, she once again searched his face before lifting in her seat to capture his face between her palms and brush a light kiss against his lips before lowering back down and taking his hand. “It’s not all right, but thank you for sharing,” she said, sounding like maybe the information had been enough to satisfy her for now.

But of course, it hadn’t.

“Why didn’t they separate? Why did they stay together when it was so clear they did not love each other? It obviously wasn’t for your sake.”

The wound was old, but he still winced at her bald statement, even as he shook his head. “My father did love my mother, was head over heels for her, even after he knew she’d been chronically unfaithful.” He spoke evenly, as if he was sharing the morning news rather than revealing the most painful of his family secrets.

“What?” This she clearly could not understand.

“My mother was beautiful and charming. Half the men in the capital loved her at one time or another. My father just never stopped.”

“That’s not love, Sebastian. That’s something else. Obsession. Lust. Addiction. Something else.”

That she could hear his story and still cling to such naive notions was a testament to her will to believe the best. He appreciated that about her. But even to preserve that sweetness, he would not sugarcoat the most painful lessons of his life.

“Whatever you call it, it made him weak. It sucked the integrity and honor and goodness from him until he was a shriveling husk, willing to sacrifice and abandon his son. My children will have better.” Even for Jenna, he would not repeat the mistakes of his parents. He would break the cycle of visiting the sins of fathers upon their sons.

“What they had was a sickness, Sebastian, and I am so sorry it swallowed you up with them, but it wasn’t love. And it isn’t the same thing as what we have between us.”

It was a wonder she had been able to maintain the level of optimism she had while rising through the national security ranks.

“Do you know that for sure, Jenna? I certainly don’t. Before you, my personal code might have been shadowed, but I had never crossed it. Now? I’ve lost count. And before me, you were living the life of your dreams.”

The noise she made in the back of her throat was surprisingly cynical. “Hardly. I was a ghost in the life of my dreams, Sebastian. Just like with your parents, it’s not enough. It’s not the same thing.”

He had to admire the tenacity of her will to cheer him.

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