Page 46 of Pregnant After One Forbidden Night

CHAPTER ELEVEN

HEWASLOSINGcontrol of things with Jenna. Sebastian could admit that in the privacy of his own mind as he opened the library door for her.

First, there had been the kiss in the kitchen—a certain slant of light and a reluctant confession were all it seemed were required to break him of his resolve when it came Jenna.

Then, again, in the library, surrounded with the scent of books, which had now become inexorably linked in his mind with the transcendence of having her, her hair gleaming as it had that original afternoon, and staring into her eyes had been all it took.

He had been luckier in the gym, losing just the bout when she’d landed that knockout punch of a smile, and not his integrity.

So why would he risk leading her into the library yet again? Especially when the ease growing between them continued to erode his guard...

But he knew it was because while he knew he couldn’t give her what she wanted, and they didn’t dare explore the passion that lived between them, he could at least give her tea and chocolates.

Hampered and tied as he might be, he still had enough control to do that.

But he was not fool enough to believe they could share the love seat.

Guiding her to one of the large armchairs, he indicated that she should sit while he went to the hidden kitchenette to prepare their tea. When it was finished, an array of sweets and treats laid out for her on a small platter, he rejoined her in the sitting area, strategically sitting across from her in the matching armchair.

They could not be lovers. But it was imperative that they become at least something resembling friends. Studying her as she bit into the first delight she’d selected, he reflected that that was a journey he was completely unfamiliar with.

“This is divine, Sebastian. I’ve never tasted something so delicious. It’s like I can pick apart each individual flavor. Vanilla, almond and that oozy, creamy chocolate.”

With her eyes closed, her voice full of her sensuous enjoyment, her presence trailed over his nerves like silk. The smooth pleasure of it—the oozy creaminess of its tone—only further grated at the shards of his control.

With a pained smile, he said, “I’m glad you like them.”

Her glow in the soft lighting was threefold: the luminance of her spirit, the sheen of her glossy hair, and her enjoyment of the sweets.

He watched, transfixed, the same as any wild creature caught and frozen in the headlights.

When she opened her eyes, they were laughing, their dark brown wells lightened to become amber pools bubbling with fun and ease. For this moment, she was not dogged by the should and ought that drove her and her radiance was enough to illuminate the sky.

Sebastian swallowed. “Would you like to pick out a book?” he asked, aware of how close he was to some kind of precipice, knowing he needed to step back, yet remaining reluctant to do so.

As if his question had only now reminded her that she was in a library, she scanned the room, her eyes landing on the section of new books he’d curated for her. Her delighted smile impossibly grew upon alighting on the titles.

“I’ve been meaning to pick up this one for ages now,” she said, reaching out to run a finger down the crisp spine of one of the paperbacks.

Sebastian shivered as if the touch traveled across his own skin.

Abruptly, he rose to select a title for himself, walking to the section farthest away from her. It didn’t matter where he went, the titles in this room were only those he loved, could reread again at any time, whatever his state of mind. And that was fortunate, because he needed space between himself and Jenna more than a specific story.

Steadying himself with a breath he pulled a book from the shelf in front of him at random. Of course, it would be Jung. Modern Man in Search of a Soul. Reading the title, he almost laughed. It fit that his torture would be narrated as such. The cosmos was possessed of dark humor in spades.

Ultimately, a laugh did escape, and with it, some of the tension. He would take being the butt of the universe’s joke if it came with putting the situation in a little perspective.

For his child, he could risk navigating the treacherous territory of his desire for Jenna, particularly as it was the only way to come out on the other side as partners—but the effort didn’t need to be given the same valiancy as a war campaign.

Returning to the reading area, he found Jenna already immersed in her book, and this too provided an opportunity: it was easier to remain appropriately distanced around her when her energy and focus were directed elsewhere.

For a moment he watched her read, noting the rate at which she devoured pages as compared to her sporadic reaches for treats or sips of tea.

Jenna read like she did everything else, with her full self.

He settled across from her after pouring himself a cup of coffee. They read that way for a time—long enough that the next time he reached for his cup the coffee inside had gone cold.

Returning it to the coaster, he looked up to find her watching him with a soft smile.

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