Page 17 of Filthy and the Beast

Accepted that fact a long time ago. Buried my ambitions in a tomb.

“Maybe they won’t. Or maybe they would,” she counters. “It’s been a long time. You could always try asking.”

A million voices shout in the back of my mind, reminding me why that’s not true, even though pretending otherwise might feel good. But I’m not going to argue with Nat. Not going to open that wound up again.

“I’m standing here with my back thrown out. You’re the one with fights coming up.” I rub my hands together. “Let’s talk strategy.”

And because she’s my niece, she lets me off the hook, and we talk boxing.

CHAPTEREIGHT

DAMIAN

“Oh no!”I gasp, one hand over my mouth and the other holding my phone. “Shit!”

Nico tilts his head to the side. “What?”

It’s Sunday afternoon around the kitchen table at the loft. Nico and Shadow have been holed up at home all weekend, but they’re taking a break from making music (and a few other things) to have me and our friend Owen over for brunch. Everyone dressed up, even Shadow in a loosely unbuttoned collared shirt, one of his boyfriend’s.

I set the phone down and straighten my fancy overalls. “Celia texted. I got a bad review from my date Friday night!” I exclaim. “I thought it went fine.”

“Ugh,” Owen laments, eyeing the pastries. “Before I met Fox, the thought of dating horrified me. It can be so stressful!”

Nico and Shadow exchange a grin.

I laugh. “I know what kind of dates you two have.” I'm well aware of their adventurous sex life.

Nico gives me a sympathetic smile. “Sorry your date didn’t go well.”

“It wasn’t a love connection. That’s fair. I wasn’t fawning over Caeleb, either. But apparently I talked about boxing too much? Like, in a notably annoying way?” I look around the group of my friends. “Have I been talking about boxing too much?”

“I’ve never heard anything,” Shadow says.

Nico clears his throat. “Until a few days ago,” he adds. “When you started Wikipediaing pugilism.”

I groan. “Damn it!” I know I can talk a lot. Like, too much. But I’ve learned how to keep it reasonable and not be a rude dude. Except apparently, I really was worked up about boxing on date night.

“There’s just something poetic about it!” I protest. “These big men! And their big emotions! And it’s like a dance, and then they end up hugging. Leaning on each other to not fall down! But I didn’t talk about that on the date. I just told Caeleb how I’d learned about the different fighting styles, which is interesting, and maybe I recounted that amazing Muhammad Ali documentary.” I sigh. “Shit. I talked too much about boxing.”

I didn’t know what else to say. My career? Future life plans? Dating history? I know how to negotiate sex, but discussing potential emotional commitments and future compatibility was anxiety-producing.

Hence why I’ve become momentarily obsessed with boxing, I tell myself. It’s another convenient distraction.

Owen leans back in his chair. “I’m surprised. Boxing doesn’t seem to match your interests. You usually prefer cooperative games to overly competitive ones. And you hate violent video games.” He finally grabs a blueberry scone. “I guess Enzo is having an influence on you?”

“True. Boxing has never struck my fancy. But it’s just a game like any other. A bloody one, sure, but still.” I shake my head. I’m struggling with the violence of two people literally punching each other, but that’s not important right now. “My love of games is no excuse for being a bad date.”

“Maybe traditional relationships aren’t for you,” Shadow offers. “That’s what you’ve always said.”

I lean forward on the table. “You think I’m incapable of dating? Because I’m worried, too.”

“That’s not what he means,” Nico says.

Shadow nods. “I’m sure you can date if you want to, Damian. But being capable of something and wanting it are two different things. And as far as I know, you’ve never wanted a committed, monogamous relationship. Right?”

“Sure,” I agree. “But how is a person supposed to know what he wants? How am I supposed to decide what will make me happy? Let alone for the rest of my life. Maybe I need a guy like Caeleb to settle down with. A career instead of a job. And maybe the fact that I haven’t had sex since the gamer cafe shut down is slowly driving me insane, like all the sex chemicals are building up and calcifying in my brain.”

Nico and Owen exchange a look. “Sex chemicals…” Owen mumbles.

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