Page 95 of Filthy and the Beast

Didn’t even realize how badly I was hoping for it, craving it, until right now.

After a long pause, I realize it’s my turn to talk.

“Of course. Fuck. South Korea. Sounds fun.”

“Oh, good.” Damian's voice eases. “It’s three nights, so I won’t be gone long.”

“No problem,” I manage, my voice strained.

“Are you doing okay?” Damian asks.

“Yeah. Just tired from my workout,” I lie.

“Okay.” He sounds skeptical. “I’ll stop by on our way to the airport tomorrow morning just to grab a few things, but like I said, if you realize you need me for anything, text me today.”

“I’ll be fine. Have fun.”

We say goodbye, and I set the phone down.

“Love you, Damian,” I say to the empty room.

CHAPTERTHIRTY

DAMIAN

I siton a long purple couch, floor-to-ceiling windows across from me and the beautiful city of Seoul stretching out in every direction. Bordered by mountains and rivers, a cultural and technological and political hub bigger than New York City, it’s unlike anywhere I’ve ever been. Jaw-dropping architecture, old and new, glitters as dusk settles, and the energy of the city thrums below.

“Sufficient distraction from your heartache?” Shadow asks.

I turn. He and Nico emerge from the bathroom together, hair damp. They played a concert to a massive crowd in a park this afternoon, one of their best ever, in my opinion. Until the arena concert tomorrow night, though, they get to enjoy some time off.

“I beg of you to invite me back to Seoul in the future. Whenever I stop obsessing over Enzo so I can truly stay present and appreciate it.” I arch an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t take more than twenty years to get over him, I hope.” I sigh. “When I’m his age.”

Patting my shoulder, Nico walks around the couch, joining me at one end. “You should certainly come on tour with us more often.”

Shadow hops over the back, landing on my other side. “Hell yeah. Nice having you around, man.”

We sit in a row, all gazing out the window.

“Thanks,” I manage. “I’m glad I’m not too much of a bummer.”

After finding the ad for Enzo’s upcoming fight, I made a weak excuse to disappear for the day. Seeing him made me all warm and bubbly. I wanted to touch him, feel the way I usually feel. But the shock shook me to the core, and now I don’t know what to believe.

At first, I thought I’d hide at the loft and screw my head on straight while Nico and Shadow were out of town. But to my great relief, my friends insisted I join them.

“It’s okay to be bummed sometimes,” Shadow says. “Doesn’t make you a bummer.”

“Thanks for saying that.” I adjust my glasses. “It’s hard not to doubt myself, though. It was like I had everything I needed. Good jobs, good money. Beautiful home, future plans, and for the first time in my entire life, a man I wanted to build a relationship with. And then I turned around andpoof, it was all a lie.”

Nico clicks his tongue. “It wasn’t all a lie. And you still have a lot of those things.”

“I maybe have one job. And maybe a house. I don’t know if I have Enzo anymore.” Tears welling up in my eyes, my voice gets caught in my throat again. “And if I don’t have him, I guess I don’t have the job or the house, either, because I would not be able to handle living together and working together if we werebroken up.” I frown, ready to fall apart. “What if I can’t see the dogs?”

Shit. There are even more reasons to not sleep with your boss who you cohabitate with than you would think.

Nico grabs my hand, and Shadow clasps my shoulder. “It’s okay,” Shadow says.

“You don’t have to go there yet,” Nico adds. “You haven’t even asked Enzo about the paper that you found.”

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