Page 69 of Filthy and the Beast

Nat considers me. “And when did this start?”

“About the time Damian moved in.”

Throwing a hand over her mouth, Nat laughs abruptly.

“Hey,” I growl.

“I’m sorry. You should totally see a doctor, but are you sure those aren’t…” Leaning forward, she drops her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Emotions?”

I blink, staring at her. “What?” I ask flatly.

“Tingly, warm, aching sensations in your chest? I believe there’s a word for that.”

My thoughts catch up with her. “It’s not love,” I blurt out, frustrated.

Nat’s eyes light up. “I wasn’t even going to use the L word, but if you insist.”

Groaning, I rub my hand over my face. Could these pains in my chest seriously bethat? “How the fuck did I get here?”

Nat laughs. “I have no idea. I just get surprising facts blurted at me on occasion. I’m left to fill in the blanks on my own.” She sighs. “And shut up about your age. You’re still in your forties, asshole. You can maybe complain when you hit seventy. And in the meanwhile, don’t eat so much goddamn salt. Even if your mysterious ailmentisjust romantic longing, you should be watching your diet.”

Something of her dad, Toby, lives in her slightly sarcastic smile. He was always a fucking joker, too. She was so young when she lost him. Makes me mad all over again at Toby and Hardy’s gym and this shitty world. She won’t get to know her dad as an old man.

“Could still be a heart problem,” I offer hopefully.

That would be easier.

“Talk to your doctor,” she agrees. “But you probably owe a conversation to someone else, too.”

I rub my chin. “Talk to Damian. That’s all we fucking do. Talk.”

Nat rolls her eyes. “Is it really that hard?”

“Yes.”

Never said a word to Miranda, either. Terrified I’d lose her or mess up the friendship with me, her, and Toby. Closest thing I ever knew to a family before Nat and her wife.

Terrified if I say something, I’ll lose Damian, too. Scare him away.

He’s his own man. He won’t need this job and to live with me forever. If I say the wrong thing now, make him think I’m possessive, I could fuck up the whole thing.

“Shit. I don’t know how this works,” I complain. “Isn’t there a way to do something without saying it out loud?”

“Do you mean show him how you feel?”

“I guess.” Uncomfortable, I bounce into a fighting stance. “How would I do that?” I furrow my brow. “I could buy him something. But wouldn’t that be too much like a boyfriend?” I grimace. “A new puppy?”

“I think you just want a puppy for yourself,” Nat says skeptically. “You could try sharing something new with him. Opening up. It’s a way to show you trust him.” She gestures to herself. “Hell, you could introduce him to your niece.”

Scowling, I shake my head. She knows why. Can’t risk ruining her career. I trust Damian completely, but he could make an innocent mistake. He knows all these famous people. If Nat got linked with me somehow, I’d never forgive myself.

“He lives in my house. Knows my body better than I do. I’ve told him more about myself than I tell anyone.” I shake my head. “I don’t know. He was even in my bathroom twice.”

Nat gets hung up on that. Thinking, she drops into a squat and kicks a leg out for a stretch. “How many times was he in your bedroom?”

I scoff. “Zero. No one goes in my bedroom. You know that.”

Her eyes bug out. “Uncle En,” she says, disappointed.

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