Page 39 of Filthy and the Beast

I bite my lip. I have been clear about this belief for years. Bosses who have sex with people who work for them are creepy at best. If someone with control over you hits on you, that person is basically admitting to being bad with boundaries and power dynamics.

So why was I so good at ignoring that concern last night?

“He is technically my boss.” Talking slowly, I search through my own reasoning. “But he didn’t proposition me. It’s more like the universe organically presented the perfect situation where it was clear we should have sex.” He’s not buying it, so I try again. “He basically lets me boss him around.”

Nico unzips his bag and pulls out a couple of bottles of tea, handing one to me. “Power dynamics can be complicated, sure. And you’re the best judge of whether or not you’re able to navigate them.” Eyes up at the sky, he considers it and gives me a one-shoulder shrug. “Are you going to do it again?”

“Yes!” I realize how excitedly I said that and take a gulp of tea. “I mean, yes. We both expressed an interest. We’re going to make time tomorrow to process it more and discuss boundaries.”

Nico relaxes. “Oh! That’s great, Damian. I hadn’t realized seeing Enzo was part of your experiment with dating. I guess that warms me a little more to the idea.”

I almost drop my tea bottle. “It’s not dating. We’re not dating. That’s not what this is. I’m just making Enzo talk about stuff with me because he’s adorable and it’s good for him. It’s good for both of us. But clearly, neither of us are interested in dating each other.”

Nico laughs. “You sound like me when I was first hooking up with Shadow.”

“The difference is you and Shadow were falling in love, and Enzo and I are simply negotiating a sexual adventure for our mutual satisfaction and curiosity.”

I’m going to have to move out in a week anyway. I’m probably too young for him, and he’s too heterosexual for it to be anything serious. Even if those barriers weren’t an issue, my life is in shambles. Would Enzo even consider me as a serious partner?

“It can’t be love,” I tell him, “but it can be super fucking hot.”

Nico laughs. Obviously, he wants to challenge me on what I just said, but he lets it go.

“While we’re on the subject of your employment…” He digs in the backpack. “I hope you don’t mind, but I did a little homework.” He flips through a notebook, then shows me a page. “You see here? These are academic programs that might work for what you’re thinking with sex therapy, and here’s cost, length, and information on career outcomes and earning potentials.”

I blink, reading through all the information as the years and tuitions pile up quickly. My pulse jumps.

Seeing my distress, Nico lays his hand on my shoulder. “Just in case it’s helpful,” he says gently. “I know you’re considering the profession and certainly not ready to apply to schools. But I thought this might help you ponder.”

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. “Thank you. It does, and this is incredibly kind of you.” So he knows I mean it, I give him a quick hug. “I just… How does anyone do any of this? I need a job to pay for school, and I need school so I can get a job, but then how am I going to have time for schoolormy job, especially since I already need a job to pay my bills? This world just makes no sense.”

Nico hesitates. “Well, I do know about a very special Nico’s Best Friend Scholarship Fund.”

I shoot my eyes up to meet his, and he gives me a hopeful smile.

Nico knows how important taking care of myself is to me. He’s offered to help me out financially a few different times, and outright insisted during the week of the lost job, busted transmission, and doubled rent. But with the exception of crashing at his loft and letting the rock star pay for dinner, I’ve held firm throughout his rise to riches and declined.

I squirm, so deeply grateful and touched I have a friend like him, but still resistant. “Thank you,” I say softly.

“I get it.” He doesn't make me explain because my best friend already knows all my reasons. “But the offer is there. Whatever dream you decide to pursue, please don’t let money stop you from doing it.”

“I appreciate that.” I rub the back of my head. “I might end up back at your place next week if I can’t find a studio apartment by the time I’m out of Enzo’s.”

Nico smiles. “The room is waiting for you.”

We sit there, both watching as a couple of dogs play in the grass across from us. When the sky gets darker again, I sigh.

“You don’t think I’m fooling myself, do you?”

“Only in the sense you haven’t figured out how you feel about him yet.”

“But how will I know how I feel about a profession until…” His words catch up with me. “Him?”

“Oh, you weren’t talking about Enzo?”

“No! I was talking about how I’m going to do all this complicated school and pursue this new career when honestly, how do I know if I like being a sex therapist, or if I’m going to be good at it? I feel like I’m just picking something from a list of things I might like, but whatever I pick is going to be a lifetime commitment.” I shake my head. “You think I’m fooling myself about Enzo?”

He frowns. “I wouldn’t have chosen to put it quite that way.”

---