Page 36 of Filthy and the Beast

He looks at me, waiting patiently. Finding the truth feels hard, let alone saying it out loud.

Yet again, instead of stomping away to my solitude, I’m standing here like a big oaf while Damian drags me deeper into the pit of conversation.

“Think I stressed my back.”

He frowns. “Really? Shit.”

“Not bad,” I say quickly, stretching my shoulders high. “I’ll be fine.”

“I tried to be careful,” Damian says apologetically.

“My fault.” Can’t handle him regretting what happened. “Worth it.”

Damian smiles. “Glad to hear it.”

My cheeks flame. Didn’t mean to say that.

When he keeps staring, eyes wide behind his glasses, I cave.

“Don’t think I’m gay,” I tell him. “Been interested in women my whole life. Women and boxing.”

Damian shrugs. “You can be interested in women and also interested in people who aren’t women. Not everyone is monosexual, and not everyone’s sexuality stays static throughout their life.”

I shake my head, not sure what to say about that. “It’s been a long time.”

“Since you’ve had sex?”

A little ashamed, I nod. “Yes.”

“Months?”

I frown.

“Years?”

I sigh. “Too early for this conversation.”

“Well shit, Enzo.” Damian pours batter into the pan. “I knew you’d never been with a man, but if I realized you’d been celibate for years, too, I might have approached this with a bit more finesse. Do you need anything? Sometimes all it takes is a little cuddle the morning after something emotionally intense. I’m available.”

Fuck, that sounds nice. So nice it hurts.

But I can’t ask for more from him than I already do.

“I don’t need a cuddle,” I lie.

He shrugs. “That’s fine! Sex doesn’t have to be emotionally significant.” Turning his eyes away from me, his voice gets tight. “If you decide you want to go back to a no-sex life, that’s valid.”

“Didn’t say that,” I object. “Just don’t need a cuddle.”

Fuck, I want a cuddle.

I’m suddenly very aware again I’m only in my boxers. Goldie lays down on top of my feet, comforting me through my distress.

“Cool.” Damian flips a pancake. “You know I’m obviously not opposed to casual sex. It can be very healthy. I’m trying to date seriously now, although honestly I haven’t had the headspace to try again after my first faltering attempt. Doesn’t mean I’m against casual sex, though.” He turns back to me from the stove, locking eyes. “You want to try it again?”

He’s so direct. Makes my stomach flip.

“Yeah.” My heart thuds. “I guess, if you’re interested. Sure.”

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