Page 85 of Filthy Rock Stars

“It’s okay to be frustrated about it, if that’s how you’re feeling.” I pull my underwear on. “I get anxious sometimes, too.”

“Yeah,” he says, summoning a smile, then kisses me. “But you’re a fucking ray of sunshine.” He kisses me again. “A bright star in the big dark galaxy.”

I laugh as I kiss him back. I love it when he’s cheesy.

The way I feel about him is hard to explain. It’s very big. When I think about Shadow, my whole body gets tingly, and I feel like I’m floating.

It’s dizzying, but I’m not considering the ramifications right now. Until we figure our way out of this situation, I’ve decided to just not let myself think about all of that too much.

Some feelings are just too big for words. At least right now they are.

Shadow leans back. “Oh. That reminds me.” He stands and walks over to his guitar, waiting nearby. We both tend to play a lot of music when we’re hanging out, for each other and together. He even messes with his guitar while we’re talking sometimes, and I’ve started to get in the habit with my keytar, too.

Shadow strums his big black guitar. A messy but beautiful chord tumbles out, and he quickly slips into a moody, chaotic, emotional riff that keeps going, captivating me.

He tilts an eyebrow up. “What do you think?”

“The asteroids!” I say, the music clicking together. “Oh my god, it’s perfect.”

I hurry to my keytar. After we started playing music together, I asked Shadow if he wanted to come up with some guitar parts for my space opera. I’d always thought it would be fun to have someone else contribute to the project, if I ever did share it.

Asking him to join felt so natural, I didn’t even think much about it before I made the offer. And ever since we’ve started playing around with a couple of the songs, they’ve been given new life.

“It’s perfect,” I say, fingers flying across my instrument. I dip into the climactic battle of the opera, the heroes scattered and furious with each other, a rogue asteroid belt untethered from its star and crashing into their planet right as the tentacle aliens invade.

My hands fly across the keytar, and Shadow’s chaotically gorgeous guitar provides the perfect complement, filling out the epic song.

It’s thrilling. Everything about being with him is.

When we finish the song, I lower my instrument and grin, stunned. “I love it.”

He gives me an awkward smile back. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was blushing, but it must just be from the sex.

“I… Yeah. I love… I love it, too.”

* * *

SHADOW

I’m burning to say the words.

Nico stands there in his tight gray briefs, that magnificent keytar dangling from his shoulder. He’s perfect and a brilliant songwriter on top of everything else.

And I’m so inadequate. I haven’t even earned the right to tell him how I feel.

Sure, Fox is trying to help us out, and he’s been great. He even hooked me up with a cool old bike that’s fun as shit to ride and not so conspicuous. He thinks we should work out the legal aspects of my contract first in order to simplify my break with the band, and he swears I’ll be able to quit soon.

But until I’m out of Forbidden Destiny, I can’t tell Nico that I love him. I’ve never felt like this about someone before, and I’m not going to fuck it up. I’m going to make things right first. Then I’ll come to him the way he deserves.

He drags his fingers across the keytar. “Maybe I’ll actually record this space opera,” he says. “Mare, Star, and Case have all been encouraging me.”

“Hell yeah you should.” Since the band made their new member official, Nico has acted a lot more confident in his musical abilities.

It’s hot.

“A spot in Kissing Dirt and your own side album? You’re not joking around with this rock-star shit.”

He laughs. “It’s like I always say, when you put your mind to something…”

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