Page 48 of Filthy Rock Stars

“Come inside.” I glance down the hall. “No one spotted you?”

“I don’t think so.” His brow wrinkles. “I guess that’s a thing I have to worry about now.”

“Sorry,” I mumble. I shut the door behind him. It sucks, and I wish I didn’t have to bring that up, but the media figuring out that I’m gay and sleeping with the newest member of Kissing Dirt would escalate this shitstorm into a hurricane.

“You okay? Can I get you anything?”

Nico shakes his head. “I’m fine. I mean—I don’t know.” He glances around the lavish hotel room, the elevated ceiling and metallic furniture, white rugs and mirrored walls, and frowns. “I don’t know why I came.”

“I’m glad you did,” I offer, treading carefully. We’re standing in the middle of the place, probably ten feet apart, and neither of us makes a move to sit. “I guess I figured out what your big opportunity was.”

He lets out a tired laugh, still avoiding my eyes. “Yeah. Surprise. I’m kind of in a rock band.”

“Whoa, no way. Me, too,” I deadpan, and we both barely chuckle.

Nico winces. “Why would you guys do that?” he asks. “Why would you pick on us?”

“I hate it,” I agree, stepping forward. “It’s Elle and Adrian. I swear. I had nothing to do with it, and I think it’s totally fucked up.”

He steps back. “See, but now I don’t believe you. Because I know that you wrote the guitar riff in the diss song.”

“No. Fuck.” I squeeze the bridge of my nose. “I mean, I did. I recorded it last month, but I didn’t know that was what they were going to do with it.”

He studies me, skeptical. “And you’re going to tell me that you got all the way backstage without knowing what band they booked on the show? You didn’t hear us playing a song right before you? That’s absurd, Shadow.”

“I don’t give a shit about a talk show!” I tell him, my voice rising with frustration. “So no, I honestly didn’t look it up. And the band had us put on this annoying noise-blocking shit, and you’re right, this all sounds like a bunch of weak-ass excuses, but what do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know!” he answers, his voice breaking. “I don’t even know how to look at you now.”

His words sting, and I fall silent.

I’m so fucking worked up. I want to throw myself on the ground and beg him for forgiveness. Something’s wrong with me, all my emotions running wild. We’re just two strangers. We didn’t even know each other’s names until yesterday. So why the fuck do I feel like I’m going to die if he doesn’t forgive me?

Nico puts his hands over his face. “Do you like me?” he asks softly.

I choke. “Do I like you? Fuck, yes, Nico. Fuck yes. Did I not tell you that?”

He lowers his hands. “I just need to know if our thing was a game to you. Was it?”

Thatwasstabs my heart, twisting like a knife. Does that mean this is over?

“You were never just a game,” I say, my voice as steady and strong as I can make it. “I swear.”

Finally, he looks up, meeting my eye. He’s pained, wrestling through something, and he quickly yanks his gaze away.

“I’ve been thinking,” he says, “and I remember all the things you said. Wanting to run away from your life? Hating your boss? I know you were talking about Forbidden Destiny now. But you’re still a member of the band, Shadow. And even if I could get over what happened, I can’t expect Kissing Dirt to feel the same way.”

My chest hurts. “Your band,” I say with a nod.

“No, not really,” he corrects me quickly, then rubs the back of his head. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

He’s right. I have no right to ask him for anything, not if it puts him at odds with the band. Just having him here is putting Nico’s music career on the line, and I’d be selfish if I ignored that.

I feel broken. Like I’m fucking myself over. And over. And over.

But looking at Nico, a surge of determination roars through me, straightening my spine. I can’t just let him go. “Then tell me what I need to do.” He’s the smart one. I just need to listen to him. “How can I make it right?” I jerk my head, looking for my phone. “I can call my label right now. Threaten to quit. Quit.”

Quitting Forbidden Destiny would be absolutely bonkers, to use the word Nico likes, but as his eyes get wide with shock, I’m certain that in this moment, I’d actually make that phone call if it just meant I could have him.

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