Page 40 of Filthy Rock Stars

As I walk in under the shadow of the massive mammoth skeleton, Owen comes strolling out from the back. He’s got a printed Museum of Natural History tee worn under a bright teal blazer and an easy smile.

“Nico! I thought you were busy being a rock star today?”

I laugh, relieved to see him. Owen’s like a bridge, comfortably at home in my old world, but partnered with Fox and just as natural in the company of rock stars. Seeing him gives me some hope that this is possible and I’m not just a confused weirdo trying to become something I’ll never be.

“I guess I needed a taste of something familiar,” I tell him, not sure how to explain, but Owen nods seriously.

“That diss track. Fox is pissed. Is the band taking it all right?”

I tilt my head to the side. “I think so, actually. They’re bothered, but trying to not let it get to them.”

Owen nods. “Good.” He glances at the door. “I’m running to meet Fox for dinner. I wish I had the time to show you how the new exhibit installation is going! Do you know if you’ll be back at the archive anytime soon?”

“I’m not sure,” I admit. “The band invited me to spend more time with them.”

Owen’s eyes light up behind his glasses. “Whoa! That’s so exciting!”

“It is,” I agree, smiling. “I’m just a little scared, honestly. I don’t know if that life is for me.” I shake my head, searching for the words. “I don’t know if I fit there.”

He nods. “I understand that. I used to think Fox and I were so different, and rock star world is so intimidating, so there was no way we could have anything in common. But Kissing Dirt, you know, they’re just a bunch of sweethearts, when it comes down to it.”

I rub the back of my head. I never would have imagined Owen faced some of the same doubts I do. He seems so confident and happy with Fox, and I know the band loves him, too. I just assumed it was always that way.

“How’d you get past feeling insecure?” I ask.

Owen shrugs. “I’m not sure. I think I just realized that I was a lot happier when I was with Fox and that I should pay attention to something like that, even if it took pushing through a little self-doubt to get there.”

“Yeah,” I agree, thinking immediately of how happy the band and Solo make me. “Good advice.”

Owen rests a hand on my shoulder. “You’ll decide what’s right for you, Nico. And if it makes you feel any better, I’m sure there will always be a home for you at the Museum, if you change your mind.”

I hold his eye. “Okay,” I agree. “Thanks.” I’m ready to let him go, but a whim catches me. “Hey, do you like board games?”

“Board games? Of course. Especially the kind that take hours and involve overly complicated strategies.”

I laugh. “Those are my favorite, too. My friend Damian works at a board game café. Maybe you’d want to meet up and play with us sometime? If you’re not too busy, that is.”

“Too busy for a game? No way. Text me about it! We’ll make a plan.”

When he walks away, I’m left under the mammoth. It’s imposing, like the massive decision I’m trying to make, bigger than I can really comprehend. But Owen’s encouragement stays with me, too, and as I wander through the museum, I come to realize how right he is.

I’ve planned my life out carefully since I was a teenager. I need to let my happiness guide me, too.

At the entrance to the Hall of Birds, I pull out the burner phone that I still carry everywhere.

Me: I’m going out of town next weekend. Want to meet up this week?

CHAPTERTWELVE

SHADOW

The secondI get my hands on Prince, all the bullshit disappears.

I’m not furious about the fucked diss track. I’m not grinding my teeth and torturing myself about the fact that my band took a second-rate recording of my new guitar riff and mixed it into the song.

None of that shit matters. That’s my poor little rock-star life, and once a week, for a glorious hour or two, I get to leave it behind.

When Prince looks at me, his face heated with nervous excitement and joy, I’m the guy reflected in his eyes. I’m a good thing in a shitty world.

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