Page 104 of Filthy Rock Stars

One of the many things I love about him. When I start acting like a dipshit, my guy puts my head back on straight.

He’s calling his new projectStar Eyes. It’s going to be the first release on Fox’s new label, followed next month by the new Kissing Dirt, so it feels like everyone is celebrating with us.

I didn’t walk away from Forbidden Destiny with my fortune, but after the award show, my old band looked horrible, and I suddenly had all the cards. Fox worked some of his connections when Forbidden Destiny was already imploding on their way to the inevitable breakup, and I somehow dodged total financial disaster.

I’m going to make a new fortune anyway, this time contributing to music I truly love. I’m pouring myself into playing again, my guitar like another part of my body. Nico’s project gives me something fresh to play off, a new dimension to my style.I feel alive, and I’m sure the world is going to lose their shit over his new sound.

We’re already everyone’s favorite celebrity couple. A humiliating love display at an awards show will do that to you.

Nico buries his face at my neck. “I’m not nervous,” he says. “Isn’t that funny? I guess I’m finally accustomed to being a rock star.”

“You should be. You’re beloved.” I run my hand through my hair a few more times to get the last tangles out. It’s getting near my shoulders, and the weight feels good. “I’m tailing your star at this point.”

Nico laughs. “Are you going to miss retirement?”

“The best part of my year off was that I got to spend it with you,” I tell him. “I guess I can stop fucking long enough now to make some iconic music.”

The truth is plenty more happened over the last year. With my boyfriend’s encouragement, I started seeing a therapist, who is helping me come to terms with some old family hurt. I made new friends, lost some old ones, pivoted to a whole new direction in my career.

It was a major year of change, but I’m not lying when I say the biggest part was just spending it with Nico.

We get dressed, both of us in black suits that he picked out. Since he moved into the loft, Nico has added a couple of pinball machines to my collection, and our growing library takes up its own sprawling corner. We walk to the kitchen area to wolf down some power snacks and talk about the songs we’ll play, and I try to remind myself to slow down and take it in.

This is real. This is our life. Good music, good friends. Happiness.

I didn’t know it could feel easy like this. Sure, I went through plenty of pain after the VMAs. I doubt I’ll ever talk to Ron again or Elle or Adrian. Things are tense with my mom, although maybe getting better.

But the second Nico unpacked his boxes, I knew that I made the right choice. I want to wake up with him, feed him, fuck him every chance I get. I want to make beautiful, epic music together, late into the night when the mood grabs us. And when we share our sound with the world, I want them to lose their minds because it really is that good.

Fuck all my old rock-star fantasies. This is what it’s really about.

Me and my guy together, we’re unstoppable.

We arrive at the museum just in time. The place is transformed, but we decided to skip the typical red carpet and all that shit. Instead, the massive lobby and the outdoor gardens are filled with props and puppets, recreations of creatures and scenes from the world Nico invented in his album.

We stroll through the crowd, hands held tight as cameras flash. We pose for photos, bathed in compliments from the crowd. Nico laughs, and light dances in his eyes as he answers questions about the album, fielding press perfectly. And I do my best to keep the attention on him, always reminding people that he gave birth to this project.

Eventually, we make it inside. There’s a smaller crowd of friends and family, some fans and industry people. I make sure to give extra time to his parents, Carmela and Andre, who are happily spending time together despite being divorced. They both haveStar Eyesshirts on, and I can tell Andre in particular is beaming with pride, his bushy eyebrows arched high.This is my third time seeing them, and they’re great as always, making it a little easier that my own family isn’t there. I remind them about our brunch plans tomorrow before sneaking away.

Finally, Nico and I take up our positions on the small stage, Fox says a few nice words, and we play.

A spotlight shines on my man. Nico starts us out with a moving, emotional keyboard solo, a spaceship hanging above him and an ice beast looming behind. He sings out with his beautiful, sterling voice, telling us about longing and distant galaxies, epic space battles and true friendship.

I step forward and join in. My guitar erupts right as Nico kicks in the drum machine. Sound fills the museum like a bomb igniting, and as the epic album begins, the audience roars their approval.

* * *

NICO

“Me?” Reggie asks, his big voice bellowing through the loft. “I like the attention. Hell, every time I walk out the front door, there’s another stranger wanting to ask me about my man. Can’t beat that!”

It’s late in the evening after the album release party, and a smaller group has made its way back to the loft to keep celebrating. Reggie is Owen’s big brother—emphasis onbigwith all his muscles—and his fiancé Everett is a pro tennis player, so they’re navigating celebrity much like Shadow and I are.

“That’s charming,” I say, sipping my water. “I need to start looking at things that way. I love talking about Shadow, too.”

Everett chuckles as he slides up next to his guy. “It’s charming until you’re just trying to refill your gas tank and you have to spend the rest of the afternoon taking pictures with fans.”

Reggie slaps his hand over his chest as his face contorts with emotion. “That kid at the gas station,” he says, his voice breaking. “Bless his little gay heart. He said he’d always wanted to be a tennis player, but until he saw someone like my man at the top of the game, he never thought it was possible.” He points at Everett. “Until you,” he says. “Can you believe it? There must be millions of kids just like that.”

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