Page 81 of Ghostly Touches

Willow’s dark chuckle raises the hair on the back of my neck.

“Damn right it won’t.” Her jaw works as if she’s trying her damnedest not to say anything else.

I wait for her to say something, anything, but she remains quiet. I don’t know if that means I’m forgiven or not and that bothers me. Do I press the issue? Do I let it drop? Do Ideserveto be forgiven? Does she not believe me? Fuck, I hate this. Women are so difficult. All of them. I know I messed up, but still, some sort of acknowledgement, even if it’s to brush off my apology, would be nice.

“I… I really am sorry.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry for striking you. It was unintentional, but I… I’ll work on my behavior.”

“Out of curiosity, what is it about me in particular that you seem to hate?”

Her question throws me for a loop. How self-centered of the necromancer to think it’s always about her.

“It’s not you, it’s everyone.”

Hearing the words coming out of my mouth, I realize how far I’ve fallen from the man I once was. When did it get this bad?

At Willow’s scoff, my cheeks heat in embarrassment.

“Well, that seems like a problem since it’s your job to helpeveryone.”

I don’t say anything to this. She’s right. How am I supposed to keep my integrity or honor as I battle monsters every day when the purpose of doing so no longer appeals to me? When I look over to Willow, I find her eyes on my face. Before she looks away, I catch the suspicion in those green eyes.

I hate that it’s warranted.

“I can’t help that I’m angry all the time. Most of the time I can’t even figure out the reason behind it.” My voice is hardly audible. The tips of my ears burn with shame, but I push on. “It’s not just you I lash out at. It’s the others, too. I’ve hit Jonah out of frustration, I back talk to Theo and Kwil, and I look for trouble when we’re in the Third Realm just so I can kill something.”

Willow’s grip on the steering wheel tightens.

“So, I’m supposed to accept that you’re an asshole and that will never change?” She shakes her head. “If that’s the case, you’ll find some kick back on my end.”

“That’s not what I’m saying!” Immediately, I wince. I work the tension out of my jaw. When I know I can speak without an edge to my voice, I continue, “What I’m saying is, don’t take it personally, and… I’ll work on it.”

I feel like I’ve said enough. Leaning back in my seat I’m ready to go back to silence. Maybe I’ll be able to get some sleep now—

“Why would you work on your temper for me but not for your brothers? Aren’t they more important to you?”

I let out a deep breath through my nose.

“Yes, but they—”

“They’re used to your behavior and accept it despite how hard it is to deal with because they must understand, to some degree, why you do what you do. Since they turn the other cheek rather than call you out on your shit, you think they don’t mind these outbursts.”

Willow’s sharp declaration silences me.

Anger is my initial reaction. I open my mouth to deny it, but a sharp glance from the necromancer silences me. I take a moment to think about her words.

Kwil and Theo have been quieter around me. When we do talk, I’ll admit,maybemost of the conversations end with me breaking something or shouting. In the past, I’ve destroyed safehouses, smashed our enemies into pieces, and let frustration get the best of me when it comes to hunting for food, which leaves us all hungry. Kwil and Theo have never complained. They simply clean up my messes and make new plans.

Guilt twists through me as I realize how much of a burden I have become to those around me. They’ve been tolerating my behavior, and I’ve never considered how it was affecting them, and us, as a team. Again, I open my mouth to deny it all, to push Willow’s words away, but the truth that rings in them makes me feel sick.

The stiffness in my shoulders eases as they drop in defeat. I won’t admit to Willow that she’s right. I will, however, take her words to heart. Things are going to change.I’mgoing to change.

I don’t see Willow’s hand move out of the corner of my eye, so when it brushes against my shoulder, I flinch. Embarrassed to be caught unaware, I pull away.

“Don’t touch me!”

I regret the words as soon as I say them. Two nights ago, when Kwil and Willow arrived at the safehouse, Ineededto touch her. The ache that burned in my chest during their absence would only abate when my fingers touched her skin. While being in her presence definitely quells most of that pain, a sliver of it remains. I know that if I had allowed Willow’s hand to rest on my shoulder, it most likely would have vanished completely. If she can ease it, I don’t want to push her away. I caused this between all of us, keeping the one person who can help us at an arm’s length away will only harm us further.

As if I haven’t harmed my brothers enough.

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