Page 73 of The Soldier's Homecoming

Daniel was behind her, his hands on her hips.

“Don’t touch me.” she cried. “Pleasedon’t.”

“I didn’t mean to push you, Pen,” Daniel said, voice low and apologetic. “Let’s just sit here, let me hold you.”

“Where’s my dress!” She felt hysterical now. She needed to cover herself, to get out of here. Away from him. She couldn’t do it, no matter how much she’d wanted to. No matter how badly she wanted them to work.

The candles, the champagne, the room…it was all too much pressure. Made her wonder if this was what he’d done with the other woman, even though he’d told her what had happened. Was it her he really wanted to be entertaining here? Would she even shape up?

“Don’t go.” Daniel’s voice was flat, as if he knew there was nothing he could do to stop her.

She ignored him, ignored the intense pain within her body that made her feel like her heart was literally shattering into hundreds of tiny pieces. Ignored the pounding in her head, fought the words that wanted so desperately to be released.

Penny struggled into her dress, tears falling onto her bare arms.

She had to get out of here.

“I’m not letting you leave.” Daniel’s voice had lost the softness it had held earlier, and was now commanding.Determined. “Tonight is not ending like this.”

She shook her head, not ready to fight. Not wanting to argue.

She didn’t have the energy or will to take this out on Daniel any longer. She’d tried. Given it her best.

But in this case, her best was not good enough.

“Let me past, Daniel.”

She had no idea how she was going to get home, what she was going to do, but she needed to be alone.

“No.”

“Please.” It came out as a sob, tears clogging her throat.

“I love you, Penny,” he said, blocking her from getting through the door. “Do you still love me? Or don’t you? Is that the problem here?”

A fresh wave of tears filled her eyes, but Penny angled her chin. forced herself to be brave. “I do love you, Daniel, that’s never been our problem.”

His face crumpled, there was no other way to describe it and she’d never seen such pain on another human being’s face before. He knew what the problem was, and he hated himself for being the cause of it.

Just like she hated herself for not being able to move on from what he’d done, for not being able to forget. For failing him when he needed her, for not realizing that everything wasn’t okay while she was away and pretending like it was.

“I can’t block it out,” she told him. “Every time you touch me, I think of you touchingher. When I think about you making love to me, I wonder how I’ll compare.” They were the most honest, true words she’d ever spoken.

And also the hardest.

Penny touched Daniel’s face with her open palm, cupped his cheek.

She loved him, she did.

“I can forgive you, Danny,” she whispered, shaking her head from side to side, trying to shake off the emotion striking hot like an iron through her insides. “You were hurting and lonely, I understand that, I do. I hate what you did, but I will forgive you.”

“But?” he asked, his dark brown eyes filled with the same big tears she could feel in her own.

“But I don’t know how to forget, I can’t do it.” she said. “I’ve tried so hard, but I can’t. I need more time.”

They were both silent.

Penny wished she were angry, but it wasn’t anger that was hurting her. That was holding her back.

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