Page 43 of The Soldier's Homecoming

His expression told her that he needed to know if she’d miss him, too.

“Leaving you the last time, knowing what you’d given up for us to be a family, I’ll never forget that. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.” She tried her hardest to squeeze the pain away. “And I’m guessing I underestimated how tough it was for you, too. What you lost at the same time.” Penny paused, swallowed the thickness in her throat. “I’m sorry if I wasn’t there for you. I know that you’re not the only one at fault here.”

Daniel’s hand appeared to be shaking as he reached for his glass. It was something she’d never seen before. Her big, strong husband was unflappable, he always had been. He was tall and broad, his physical stature alone telling other men to back off if they tried to confront him. Nothing could usually rattle him.

But the softness within him, that she could see right now, it scared her more than anything physical could have.

“I’ll be honest, Penny. You being sent back overseas when I’d given up my career for us to be a real family, it hurt. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over that. It was hard, so hard that at the time I didn’t know how I was going to pull myself through.”

She watched him swallow, like he was fighting an emotion that she’d never seen before. Because he’d always been so strong, and now she could see that he was hurting, too. That maybe he’d been hurting bad all along and she’d been so focused on her own pain of leaving, of being away, that she hadn’t recognized it before.

Did he regret what he’d done? What he’d given up for her and for Gabby?

Because she knew, deep within her soul, that she would give up everything in the world for her daughter, to be home. That no matter what the sacrifice, to her it would be worth it.

“I feel like a nobody now. Like I have nothing,” he said, the pain leaching into his voice. “I’m a dad, sure, and that’s more important than anything, but it’s like I no longer have my own identity. I’ve lost that thing that used to make meme.”

“You’re wrong, Daniel,” she whispered, reaching a hand to touch his cheek. She couldn’t help it, yearned to touch him so much that she couldn’t resist. “You’re still that same man.”

She knew he was. No matter how angry she was with him, he was a fabulous father. Coming home and seeing that bond between him and Gabby, closer than ever, was all the evidence she needed.

But she still couldn’t trust him. Couldn’t truly understand what he’d done. No matter how much she could find fault with the way she’d ignored his feelings, or could recognize the cracks that had slowly shattered like a pane of glass within their marriage. She couldn’t understand how he’d been pushed far enough to be unfaithful.

He stared into her eyes, not pulling away from her caress.

“You’re still the same Daniel I met ten years ago, I promise you are.”

“Then why do I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore? Like I’m losing everything?”

Penny let her hand drop from his cheek, pushed her plate away for something to do.

“All I know is that I don’t want this to end,” he said, his voice low and serious. Deep and husky. “You and me, I gave up everything for us and I still would all over again if I had to. For our family.For our marriage.”

Penny didn’t answer him. Couldn’t.

“Penny?” he asked.

She knew what he wanted to know.

“I need time, Daniel.” Heavens, did she need time.

His head moved from side to side. “We don’t have time, Pen. You fly out in less than five days, and then we won’t see each other for months again.”

She knew that.Hell, didn’t he know that she knew that?

“If we can’t survive now, if we can’t save our marriagenow, then we never will,” he said. “I don’t know if I can be the husband you deserve anymore, but what I do know is that I’m not scared of trying. If there’s one thing you can believe, even if you don’t trust me, believe that I’ll try. I won’t give up, not until you tell me to.”

There was an edge of finality to his tone that terrified her. Because she knew it was true.

If she was home for good and Daniel said he was going out with a friend or with his brother, would she believe him any longer? Or would she always worry, have her thoughts betrayed time and again, that he was sneaking off to meet a woman? That he’d hurt her again?

Would she ever be able to look into the eyes of this man sitting before her and trust that it was honesty shining from them? That the words falling from his pillowy lips were honest? Truthful?

“Penny?”

“Don’t pressure me, Daniel. Please,” she pleaded. “I’m not ready to give you an answer.”

The waiter came, cleared the table.

---