Page 19 of My Forever Soldier

“No.” Olivia put up her hand to silence him, shuddering at the thought of his response. “You know what? Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.”

He smiled, a kind, relaxed smile that eased her fears. “I never forgot that we were married, either, Olivia. I promise.”

That she hadn’t been expecting. Her heart had been hammering, waiting for him to confess that he hadn’t been so dedicated to the vows they’d made. But if he was telling her the truth, then maybe, just maybe, there was a flicker of possibility that theycouldwork things out. Relief washed over her.

“It wasn’t that I didn’t move on, Luke. I did.” She pushed through the pain of talking about all those months that she’d been on her own. “You were gone from me, as if the army had swallowed you up. Ihadto move on. But I couldn’t move on that far, because I never really let go.”

He moved from the chair to the sofa, sitting beside her. Olivia let him take her hand, watched as his fingers interlaced with hers.

“Ollie, I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I haven’t exactly been honest with you about why staying in touch was so difficult for me.”

She didn’t get it. “What do you mean?” Excuses were not something she needed to hear.

Luke looked uncomfortable. He wasn’t good at talking, never had been. He was a listener, and a darn good one, but she knew he’d be finding this difficult.

“When they called me up again, it was for a major promotion. I, uh…these past couple years I’ve been in Delta Force. An elite Special Forces operative.”

The coin dropped. So he’d had a major reason to leave. He still could have explained to her, could have talked through his leaving, but hearing there was more to it than him just wanting to walk away took at least a little edge off her pain.

“It doesn’t explain why I left like I did, but I need you to know that I was doing something that counted. I was so damn scared of wrecking things at home, and what did I end up doing? Turning my back for the sake of the army, and sacrificing you and Charlie.”

“Delta Force?” she asked, still unable to believe that she’d thought he was in standard service, while he was actually part of a Special Forces task force.

She remembered Luke talking about those guys. Always the most dedicated, secretive and tough men on tour they often had to immerse themselves in a different way of life, travel constantly, and stay focused on the bigger picture. And from what she remembered, they were usually single. Had he been living under a different identity these past two years?

“It was restricted information, but I still should have found a way to tell you something.” He paused, one hand raking so viciously at his hair she thought he might pull it out. “I’d been training for this my entire life, Ollie. My entire life. I never expected to be a dad, but I know now that our son should have been my priority. But they offered me the job and I jumped.”

“Were you even in the Middle East?”

Luke shook his head, a frown dragging his eyebrows downward.

“Afghanistan?” Tears stung her eyes but she pushed them away. She hadn’t even known where he was! Her ownhusband.

“I had to immerse myself in a different culture. Grow a beard, learn the language. The whole nine yards.” He kept hold of her hand even though she tried to pull away from him. “It doesn’t excuse my actions, but I want you to know that what I did at least counted for something.”

She didn’t know what to say, felt like a fool for not even guessing that he’d been on some sort of confidential mission.

“It wasn’t easy, Ollie. But it was what I’d been training for my whole life.” He paused. “It’s not an excuse, but I want to be honest with you, and telling you what I’ve been doing is part of that.”

This was why their relationship had started to show cracks: because he thought she resented the army. But it wasn’t that, couldn’t be further from it. What she resented was that he thought his comrades were more his family than she was,and that hurt. Charlie was his real family. The fact that he’d promised to leave the army had been important to her, but him deciding to fight for their country again was not something she would ever have stopped him from doing. She’d faced a lifetime of lies before her tenth birthday—a lifetime of failed promises—so when Luke had made her a promise, the one person she’dchosento trust in this world, she’d expected him not to let her down.

“Ollie?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Luke.”

He looked awkward, his eyes traveling from her hands to her eyes. When he reached for her other hand, she tried to ignore the pull of her body toward his. The way she so desperately wanted to feel him in her arms again, to remember what his touch was like, how he smelled, how masculine he was.

But she needed to stay strong.

“What I want is for you to understand, “ he said.

Olivia retrieved both her hands from his and tucked them around herself.

“You need to prove yourself to me before I’ll understand, Luke. Whatever happened between us, whoever’s fault it was, that’s in the past. But if we’re ever going to move forward, I need to believe what you’re telling me.”

His eyes locked on hers, but he didn’t say anything. She met his gaze, determined to stay strong. She guessed he was telling her that he intended on doing just that, but she wasn’t convinced. Because he could have told her more before he left, instead of waiting until now.

Delta Force. The words wouldn’t stop repeating in her mind, as if on a stuck cycle. How could he have been so far away, doing something so dangerous, without her knowing? Because the truth of it was that Luke could have died, and she would never have even known where he was. Or that he wasgone.

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