Page 55 of My Forever Soldier

“Luke, you sure you’re okay?” She had to ask, had to know what he was thinking.

It was then that she noticed that he was already wearing boxers and his T-shirt. Had he been somewhere already? How long had she slept?

“We’ve said it already, but one of the reasons we couldn’t be happy before was because we didn’t talk enough, right? Because we couldn’t just tell each other how we were feeling.”

Olivia swallowed, but it was as if her tongue had swelled in her mouth, making even breathing difficult.

They’d just spent the night together. She’d fallen asleep thinking she was the luckiest girl in all the world. And now what? He was having second thoughts? “Is there something you need to tell me?”

Olivia reached for her underwear and quickly slipped it on, crossing the room to find her clothes.

“Last night was amazing, Ollie.” Luke’s words made her stop, hand hovering over the fresh top in her bag. “I’ve been awake for hours, just watching you sleep, thinking about you.”

She smiled, forcing her hand from the bag so she could turn and face him. She needed to trust him, to not jump to conclusions without hearing him out first. Talking about his feelings had never been Luke’s thing, so if he wanted to talk, what the hell was she doing trying to fob him off?

He walked toward her, taking her hand and walking her back to the bed. She sat down and he did the same.

“Luke, it’s okay. Last night was great.” She squeezed his hand, searching his gaze, knowing something was troubling him, and wanting so bad to know what it was. “I’m so glad we stayed.”

A frown kept his mouth turned down ever so slightly at the corners, his eyes searching hers as if looking for answers, as if he had so much on his mind that he didn’t know how to tell her.

“Ollie, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but I need to talk to you about my job, instead of just bottling it all up inside and making decisions without consulting you first.”

“I’m not following...” Her skin seemed instantly cool, as if she was already recoiling from what he wanted to tell her before she’d even listened to him.

“You know how important it is to me, to be a soldier, and I just don’t know how to separate being a dad, a husbandanda soldier.” Luke didn’t look away, kept his eyes trained on hers. “I don’t want to leave you again, but I can’t just give up my career, either.”

Olivia couldn’t help it; she glared at him, anger flaring within her. “So you’re telling me that you’re leaving again? That all this has been for nothing.”

He shook his head, reaching out for her, cupping her cheek in his palm. “No.”

She was starting to shake, just her hands, but worry—terror—was starting to build within her. “Luke, I get that you’re a soldier, what that means to you. But you can’t just leave us again, not so soon.” Olivia didn’t know what else to say to him, didn’t know how she felt. “Am I right in guessing that any redeployment would be voluntary? Given how many tours you’ve been on?”

Luke nodded. “Yes.’

Now she was starting to get angry. “And yet you want to risk your life and go into the depths of hell again?Voluntarily?”

“I was offered a promotion within Special Forces,” he told her, his voice low. “They want me to lead an elite task force and head overseas again, and I’d be lying if I told you it wasn’t a position I’ve always dreamed of taking.”

If it was possible for a human being to explode from anger, Olivia would have. “And you’re telling me this now?” She was fuming.

Luke sighed, raking a hand furiously through his hair. “I didn’t want to keep anything from you,” he said. “I wanted to talk to you about it.”

Now she was mad. Seeing-red, fists-clenched kind of mad. “Yeah, well, maybe that’s a conversation we should have had last night, before you seduced me into sleeping with you.” It was a low blow, but she didn’t care. She’d trusted him, let herself believe in him again, and now he was telling her that he was taking his dream job?

“I stayed awake most of the night, just thinking, Ollie,” he said, not meeting her eyes. “And I knew that it’d be wrong not to at least talk this through with you. But—”

She interrupted him. “No, Luke.No. Just stop.”

His eyes were haunted, tears visible, but she didn’t care. He was hurting her, not the other way around, and she didn’t deserve It.

Olivia fought the tears piercing her own eyes, swallowed the sharp bite of bile in her throat, and pulled on her clothes with all the dignity she could summon. She heard Luke’s voice, as if it was echoing in the background, but she didn’t acknowledge him. Instead she pushed a shoe onto each foot, crossed the room to gather her things from the bathroom, and made for the door. It was over.

“Olivia, let me finish,” he demanded.

She stopped, turned to stare at him. “No, Luke. This was a mistake, all of this.”

“Ollie, please,” he called. “Just hear me out.”

---