Page 54 of My Forever Soldier

Being in Luke’s arms just seemed so right. And right now she didn’t ever, ever want to let him go again.

17

LUKE WAS WATCHING Olivia sleep. Her long dark eyelashes brushed her cheekbones; her mouth was parted slightly. It seemed as if he’d been like this for hours, looking at her, thinking about what he’d done.

She was the most beautiful human being he’d ever met, the kindest person he’d ever encountered. And that’s why he couldn’t sleep—not now and not when he’d been away.

Was he capable of giving her the lite she deserved? Was he the man who could love her, hold her and cherish her forever? Was he ever going to be a good enough dad? And could he be the man he wanted to be at home and a soldier, too?

He had pain running through his chest, pulsing at his temple, gripping at his mind. It was the feeling of guilt, of loss, of terror that had plagued him every month he’d been away. Had left him awake, in a cold sweat, before he’d up and left. The guilt he’d experienced when he’d made his mind up to return to his unit, to go back to his army family.When he’d broken his promise. When he’d whispered goodbye to his sleeping baby, and the weight of his failure had hit him.

He’d left his family behind then because he’d had such a strong sense of duty to fight by his men, to go back to the family he’d made for himself, who’d taken him in when he’d been alone. Because he’d been so damn afraid of becoming close with his son, and then dying was the very reason he’d been determined not to be a dad at all.

He’d blamed all his issues on his upbringing, on never knowing a father figure who hadn’t shown him the back of his hand.But it wasn’t that. It was his fear of letting Olivia down. Of letting his son down. Because he hadn’t believed he deserved them.

He’d been alone almost all his life, and in the army since he was barely of age.And then he’d met Olivia.

And now here he was again, wondering whether he could truly make a lifetime commitment to his wife and his son. Not because he wanted to be unfaithful, but because the army was his family, too. And because he’d turned down the job opportunity of a lifetime, trying to be the man he thought he should be, without even discussing it with his wife first.

Olivia started to stir and he slid back under the sheets. He held her close, touching his face to her hair, inhaling the coconut scent of her shampoo. He rubbed his lips over the so-soft skin of her neck, felt the gentle curve of her body fitted against his.

The last thing he wanted was to let her go, to lose her again. He wanted the indentation of her skin against his held in his memory forever. The taste of her lips pressed to his to be something he enjoyed every day, felt every morning when he woke up.

But he also couldn’tnotbe a soldier. If that was taken away from him, then he couldn’t be true to himself.

Olivia pressed into him, her body warm. Luke squeezed his eyes shut, fighting the feelings. Trying so hard to push them away.

For the first time since he was a kid, the cool slice of a tear slid down over his cheek and hit his pillow. He wished he could push away the worry, the feeling that he didn’t belong. But it was too hard.

18

“MORNING.” OLIVIA SMILED over at Luke, fighting shyness.

“Hey.”

It was weird, lying naked beneath the sheets and watching her husband. Looking at him watching her, wondering what he was thinking. Wondering how he was feeling.

Last night had been amazing,incredible, and she couldn’t believe it had happened. That she’d followed her heart instead of her mind for the first time in so long.

The half smile he gave her made her stomach knot into a tight ball.

“Is everything okay?” she asked

Luke nodded before propping himself beside her on his elbow.

Something was wrong. Olivia’s toes curled in the sheets as she tried to push the worry away.

“Ollie…”

She pulled the sheet closer to her body, a cool shiver hitting her spine.

Luke sighed, running a hand through his hair and sitting up properly. “You want to get some breakfast?”

She let the sheet fall slightly. Breakfast? He was only asking her about breakfast?

“Uh, sure.” She’d been certain he was going to tell her something deep and dark and bad. Trust her to jump to conclusions.

He got up out of bed, leaned over and gave her a kiss on the forehead. She raised her mouth, but he didn’t even seem to notice. She’d been right. Something was definitely wrong.

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