Page 35 of My Forever Soldier

It was everything he’d ever wanted, the opportunity to make a difference, to be the soldier he’d trained all his life to be. But there was more to think about than just what he wanted right now, wasn’t there?

He read the email again.

Mr. Brown,in recognition of your successful missions within your Special Forces Unit, we would like to discuss with you a new leadership opportunity. This would involve imminent redeployment, which we note that you have shown interest in volunteering for.

Luke skippedto the last line, read it slowly this time. Needed the words to sink in.

You have been offeredthis promotion due to your many deployments overseas, and the overall contribution you have made as part of your exemplary service to the United States Marine Corps. If you could phone to arrange a telephone conference or meeting at your earliest convenience, it would be much appreciated.

Couldhe do it?An image of Charlie playing with him in the park, smiling up at him, flashed through his mind. Charlie crawling into bed with him, warm body pressed to his, calling him Daddy.

But Charlie had to compete with Luke’s equally vivid recollections of war, of his time in the Special Ops. Of the men he would be leaving behind, of the friends, brothers, he might never see again if he didn’t take this opportunity.

He’d come home to be a dad, to reclaim the only family he had, but now the reality was tearing him apart. The division between right and wrong blurred beyond the point of recognition. He’d never intended to leave the army for good, but since he’d been home it was all he’d been able to think about.

He loved his wife. He’d thought she’d become like a fantasy in his mind, that the reality of her when he returned would be far different. But he’d been wrong.

But even if he didn’t have a chance with her anymore, and God knew he didn’t deserve one, he was still a father.

And it meant he couldn’t just say yes, no matter how much he wanted to. If he went back to Delta, well, he might spend another couple of years away. Perhaps less, but it would still break that bond he was so slowly starting to develop with his son. Yet if he didn’t take this promotion, what would he do? What would it mean if he gave up everything he’d worked so hard for?

Luke looked around at his surroundings—the yellowed walls, stained carpet and plaid bedspread. What the hell was he even doing here?

He grabbed his beat-up, old leather jacket and slipped it on, then left the room. He hadn’t had a clear head for over three years, and now was the time to try to get one.

And if he stayed there any longer, he knew it might prove impossible tonotpick up the phone and accept the position.

The streets seemed empty,but Luke wondered if he just wasn’t taking everything in. His feet walked on autopilot, propelling him forward, without his mind telling them where they were heading. It was odd, walking aimlessly. On duty, he’d never walked any where without a plan, never made a move, a decision, without thinking through the logistics first. He pressed his thumb to his temple, trying to erase the memories that were held so tightly in check. Sometimes it was easy to push them back, to focus on something else and force them away, but not today.

He kept seeing his buddy lying there, blood sputtering out of him as he took his last breaths. They’d been together for such a long time, but in the end, when they were so close to achieving the goal, succeeding in their mission, his friend had been killed and Luke had been the one to come home.

The thought sent cool ripples of anger firing up and down his body. It was so unfair. But if it hadn’t happened—if he hadn’t held his comrade in his arms as he took his last breath, listened to him cry that he would never see his child again—would Luke have been so quick to come home?

He wondered what Olivia would think if she ever saw his scars. Saw the jagged lines of wounds on his legs, or the scars crisscrossing his stomach. Could he tell her that he’d almost died? That fulfilling his duty as a soldier wasn’t enough for him, that he wanted to succeed in her eyes, and for Charlie, too?

“Lieutenant Colonel Brown!”

Luke’s head snapped up. He hadn’t been called that since the day he’d touched down on U.S. soil.

“Lieutenant Colonel!”

He saw him then. A young man on crutches, hobbling out of a café on the corner he’d just passed. The face was familiar, but the name just didn’t come to him.

Luke moved toward the man, conscious that he had both his legs working and the other man didn’t.

“Lieutenant Colonel Brown,” he said, dropping a crutch and holding out his hand. “Private Sam Roberts, I served under you my first tour in Iraq.”

The penny dropped. Of course, his first deployment after Charlie was born, before he’d come home and then left for the Delta tour. Luke took his hand and shook it.

“Roberts. Of course I remember you.” Luke smiled at the boy before him, pleased to see he’d made it home alive. “You back for good?”

“Yes, sir. My leg’s busted up pretty bad.”

Luke looked down, but then diverted his gaze. At least the boy had his legs. He’d seen far worse.

“And you, sir? You back now for a while?”

Luke swallowed what seemed like a rock. He’d thought so but was “home for good” ever going to be something that could describe him?

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