Page 29 of My Forever Soldier

The squealsof children echoed around the room and Luke’s head started to pound. He wasn’t used to this. The noise level was too much, too loud, too happy. He’d never heard anything like it. In war zones there was often noise, either hardly a sound or the reverberating of bullets like a curtain of terror. But even war was nothing like this.

Luke looked over at Ollie. Just the sight of her dulled the thumping in his head, the strain in his neck.

She was talking to a friend, a mother of one of the children. Her head was tilted slightly as she listened, mouth parted as she laughed, and Luke couldn’t look away.

All his life he’d felt a hollow void within him at not knowing his family, at not having parents, at missing out on the childhood he could have had, had they been alive. There were plenty of other children at his school, in his life, who’d easily had it as rough as he had, so he’d never realized quite how much he’d missed. How much of the fun and joy he’d been deprived of as a child. Fun and happiness that his son was so lucky to be experiencing.

“Dad!”

Luke looked down to find Charlie tugging the leg of his jeans.

“Can you show them the soldier’s wave?”

Luke guessed these kids didn’t have soldiers for dads, but the last thing he’d wanted was to draw attention to himself. “They don’t want to see, buddy,” he told him.

Luke caught Olivia’s gaze. She was watching him from across the room. So were some of the other moms.

He looked down at Charlie, who was pouting, his lips pulling down into a frown, something Luke had never seen him do before.

“Charlie…”

He had that I’m-gonna-cry look on his face again, and Luke felt like crap for shooting him down. It was time Luke learned how to do what he was told.

“Okay, boys,” he said, looking at the four eager faces turned up at him. “You need to spread your feet apart like this.” Luke paused and stood still. Each little boy mimicked him, grins slapped on their faces. “Then you keep your arm stiff, bend and salute.”

They were all following his lead and Luke had to try hard not to laugh. Such serious faces for a moment, then grinning and goofy the next. “Good work,” he praised, internally kicking himself for being such a jerk when his son had asked him the first time.

Charlie kept hold of his legs, not ready to let go of his dad yet.

“You having a good birthday?” Luke asked him.

The boy nodded his head vigorously but still clung on. Tightly. The other boys had moved away and Luke wasn’t sure what to do. Was Charlie hanging around so he could be with his dad? Was Luke meant to pick him up or would that be babying him?

From the corner of his eye he could see Ollie watching them still, and he had no idea what was expected of him.

So he did the only thing he could do, and went with his instincts. He scooped his son up high in his arms. “You sure you’re all right, bud?” He tucked a finger under his chin to tilt his face up, but Charlie resisted for a moment, before turning his big brown eyes up to him.

“Charlie? Tell me what’s wrong,” he insisted.

“I don’t want to share you,” his son whispered.

Luke digested the words. If the boy hadn’t looked so serious he would have laughed. Didn’t want to share him? As if he was some new toy he didn’t want anyone else to play with?

“You don’t share me, Charlie. I’myourdad, no one else’s.”

Charlie twisted his mouth and squirmed, before giving him a shy smile. Luke could see the confusion in his eyes.

“But I want you just for me, and Tom said he wanted a cool dad like you, too.”

Luke was flattered, but he had a feeling this conversation was stemming from something deeper. Charlie no doubt already had issues about not having his dad around, and now that he was home, didn’t like to think about Luke going away again. About losing him.

It scared the hell out of Luke to think a four-year-old could already have issues, problems, conflict in his mind. But there was no mistaking it.

“You know what? Why don’t we go out and show your friends what playing soldiers is all about.”

Charlie looked up at him, his eyes like saucers. “Really?”

“Yeah, or cops and robbers or something. Anything you’d like.”

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