Page 26 of My Forever Soldier

He put his glass in the sink and stood, his back to her.

Talking wasn’t his thing, so she knew he’d be finding this difficult. But if he wanted a chance, a real chance like he’d asked for, he was going to have to learn how to talk. They couldn’t be a team, stay married, unless they put all their cards on the table. And that meant that she had to become a listener.

“Tell me, Luke,” she said.

“War is a completely different way of life,” he told her, his voice a low rumble. “It was my life, and what I became used to doing, what I did every day and who I was surrounded with, so I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t hard to leave behind.”

He turned to face her, his eyes intense, searching hers. She stayed silent, stunned that he was finally talking about what he’d been doing, what the army meant to him. And she was craving every word of it.

“War becomes the real world. And where I was, that meant me being in charge. I made decisions. I wasn’t questioned, because I made sure I made the right calls, and I knew how to be the best damn Special Forces soldier I could be. I stayed alive because I was good at what I did, and now back here I’m a no one.” He sighed. “I’m back to being the guy who grew up with nothing and no one to give a damn about him, and worrying that I’m making mistakes every step of the way.”

Olivia fought the desperate wish to shut her eyes and block out what Luke was saying. But she couldn’t. Because she was the one who’d told him to be honest, told him about the importance of opening up to her, and now she had to deal with the reality of his words.

“Luke, you’re not ano onehere. You’re a dad, and right now you’re still my husband.” She blew out a breath. Just admitting that made her realize how wrong she’d been in trying to fire the divorce papers at him when he’d first arrived back. “You don’t ever have to be alone and unloved again. The difference now is that you have a choice.”

He smiled, but she could tell there was still so much left unsaid, so much he needed to tell her before he could properly move on. Before they could start to move forward and build on what they’d once had.

“All I know is how to be a great soldier, Ollie, because I’ve worked at it for years. Here, I don’t know how to do the right thing, how to be the dad Charlie needs me to be.” Luke looked tortured, crestfallen. She had never, ever seen him like this—almost on the verge of tears. “All I want is a dad to show me the ropes, to give me a role model. Show me how to do what I need to do for Charlie. Tell me what an idiot I was for leaving, and thinking in some warped way that I was doing the right thing.”

“You don’t need a role model to do that, Luke,” she said, trying hard not to cry herself. “You just need to be here, totry, to not be so hard on yourself.” She crossed the room and stood before him, trying to ignore how scared she was. How much she was opening up and how easy it would be for Luke to hurt her if he walked away. “If I hadn’t thought you’d be a great dad,” she said, taking one of his hands and pressing it to her heart, “if I hadn’t known itright here, I never would have had Charlie.”

“You mean you thought about not having him?” he asked, eyes locked on hers.

“No.” Olivia slowly shook her head, still staring at him. “I didn’t have to think about it, because I knew the kind of person you were. That’s why it hurt me so bad when you walked away. When you made my deepest fear a reality.”

Luke’s eyes were filled with tears now, and she could tell from the vein bulging across his forehead and the clamp of his jaw that he was struggling to compose himself.

“Charlie doesn’t know any other dad, he only knowsyou, and he only wants you. We all make mistakes. It’s what parenting is all about. But you just need to beyou, Luke. That’s all you need to do to have a real second chance.”

They watched one another, both standing dead still. so close that she could feel his breath on her face when he exhaled.

“What about being a husband, Ollie?” His voice was so deep now she almost looked away, his gaze so intense it scared her. “How do I go about being a better one of those?”

She didn’t have an answer for that. There was no magic model, no criteria that she could list for him to fulfil. What she wanted was for him to figure it out, to prove to her that she could trust him, because right now she wanted to. She wanted to let him in and trust him more than she’d ever wanted to before.

“I don’t know, Luke.” It was the truth. “I don’t know, but I do know that I want us both to figure it out.”

The expression on his face hardly changed, but the difference in his body was impossible not to notice. Luke spun on the spot, his entire frame tense and rigid as he walked away.

And then he turned, fast. And this time his expression was dark, the look in his eyes terrifying and exhilarating all in the same second.

Luke moved with stealth toward her, his long strides eating up the space between them before she could even register what he was doing. He had never been one for words, never pretended that he liked flowery, lengthy discussions or over-the-top flattery. But what he did have on his side was a power and presence that could rival any man’s. And with God as her witness, he was the most attractive, strong, addictive man she’d ever encountered.

Olivia’s heart felt as if it had slid up into her throat, forcing her breath out in shallow bursts. He was virtually towering over her, his big frame dwarfing her, overpowering but not crowding her.

“How do I be a good husband, Ollie? Tell me how,” he demanded.

If only she could. There was nothing in the world she wanted more than for Luke to be the husband she’d hoped for, but it was hard to forget the past. Trust was everything to her, and no matter how her body tried to disagree, she had to be careful, protect herself. Even if she did want him so badly she was almost slithering to the floor into a pool of liquid.

“How, Ollie?” he asked again. He was so close that she could feel each word as he punched it out, his mouth within dangerous proximity to hers. “Tell mehow.” His voice was deep, raspy, dangerous.

Luke stopped asking questions and reached for her chin instead, his thumb forcing her to meet his stare. There, she saw the pain in his eyes—the desperation mixed with need, much like what she felt inside.

She couldn’t answer him. Her eyes were locked on his as if she was transfixed, her mouth clamped shut as if she was scared of opening it. Every hair, every pore of her body was on high alert.

“Just tell me how.” His voice was barely a whisper now, cracked with emotion, and the tightness in her throat forced her to realize she was choking up, too.

“Luke…”

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